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Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
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You's think he woulda practiced the pitch in order not to look like a fool.

In other news.

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

He could have taken lessons from the Cirque de Soleil performer who did a 2 and a half gainer on the mound and then threw a perfect strike over the inside corner. For a few days, he was ESPN's Best of the Best.

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He could have taken lessons from the Cirque de Soleil performer who did a 2 and a half gainer on the mound and then threw a perfect strike over the inside corner. For a few days, he was ESPN's Best of the Best.

I watched that twice,,,,,,real cool. :)

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A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share a hotel room and there weren't enough towels.

A man called 911 and said: "Please connect me to Switzerland."

A lady called 911 because of a fight going on in a parking lot. When asked to describe the combatants, she said: "I'll try. There's one man, and he's dressed like Elvis. He's kicking another man who's laying on the ground and screaming 'You ain't nothing but a hound dog.'"

A man called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones were open.

A woman called emergency to report she had seen a wild mouse in her house.

Someone called 911 to report the parrot got out of his cage and is in a tree outside.

A man broke up with his girlfriend and wanted police to go over to her house and report to him the owners of any cars, other than hers, in her driveway.

A guy called to ask if they delivered dope. When the person answering told him it was the Sheriff's Department, he hung up.

A woman called to request a police officer come to her residence to change the battery in her smoke detector. She couldn't reach it.

A drunk called 911 to order a pizza.

A person called to find out the number to the police station.

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Haha wow. I just don't understand some people.

I won't try that again. :wacko:

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Strongsville, Ohio - Banana attacks gorilla. It was a prankster in a banana suit attacked a cell phone store's gorilla mascot apparently while to promote a sale on cell phones. The banana slipped away and as of this morning, was still on the loose.

Does that mean we will lose our bananas? :(

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Actual want Ads.

"Nemesis wanted. I am 5'10", into kayaking, books and converstaion (by day), and justice, honor and vengenance (by night). Seeking arch-enemy, possibly crime-lord or deformed meglomaniac. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX."

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And these gems.

"

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. "

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Hey this is in the wrong place but I'm a new user and I can't start a new topic. I'm assuming I need to make a certain number of posts first is this true? Also I'm an english Canadian learning french and I wanted to ask some questions about whether or not learning from rosetta stone that teaches european french would still result in a fairly good ability to speak french in Quebec. I know some words are different, like car and bicycle etc. use different words, but how much of a difference is there overall? I want to learn Quebec french but the resources available don't seem as good...or aren't really available at all. Hopefully some french speaking Canadiens fans will see this and offer some opinions.

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Hey this is in the wrong place but I'm a new user and I can't start a new topic. I'm assuming I need to make a certain number of posts first is this true? Also I'm an english Canadian learning french and I wanted to ask some questions about whether or not learning from rosetta stone that teaches european french would still result in a fairly good ability to speak french in Quebec. I know some words are different, like car and bicycle etc. use different words, but how much of a difference is there overall? I want to learn Quebec french but the resources available don't seem as good...or aren't really available at all. Hopefully some french speaking Canadiens fans will see this and offer some opinions.

Like for any language, the basics of European and Québec French are the same. The differences come with idioms & colloquialisms. We understand the French, the Belgians and the Swiss just fine so go ahead and learn with any method. We have French sections on this forum too so if you want to practice and discuss hockey in French at some point, you're welcome to post in those threads.

As for creating new threads, the minimum post count is 100. This is set this way so that new members can take the time to interact with our member base and learn how we do things here before creating threads that may end up being duplicates of topics already discussed elsewhere.

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Hey this is in the wrong place but I'm a new user and I can't start a new topic. I'm assuming I need to make a certain number of posts first is this true? Also I'm an english Canadian learning french and I wanted to ask some questions about whether or not learning from rosetta stone that teaches european french would still result in a fairly good ability to speak french in Quebec. I know some words are different, like car and bicycle etc. use different words, but how much of a difference is there overall? I want to learn Quebec french but the resources available don't seem as good...or aren't really available at all. Hopefully some french speaking Canadiens fans will see this and offer some opinions.

CRB already answered you, but just to add to the your questions about learning French... I didn't learn much French in school, my French really took off when I started hanging around French people and got even better when I got a French gf.

Same for a friend of mine... I grew up in northern laval (Island north of Montreal-in St Laurence). Our friends were pretty mixed, some were french some english but we all hung around with each other.

One of my buddy's remarked one day, that his English had vastly improved simply by hanging with us. They taught him the basics in school, but he didn't really speak with confidence until he hung around with us. He picked up on our expressions and our way of speaking. It was by no means proper english, but as he said, it felt natural.

Same for us english guys, with us being a mixed bunch of friends, our french improved. Simply by forcing ourselves to talk french and by being around them, picking up on their vocabulary or slang.

My advice to you, watch french TV, surround yourself with french people and don't be afraid to try it out on french people. Sure they may laugh if you say something wrong, but it's the best way to learn... Trial and error. ;)

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