Jump to content
The Official Site of the Montréal Canadiens
Canadiens de Montreal

Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
 Share

Recommended Posts

True story,the first time Mike came to England,he was arriving first thing in the morning,I was rushing around getting ready grabbed a pair of shoes, drove to Heathrow got out of the car started walking but I was lopped sided,looked down I had odd shoes on,they were both black but one was suede the other was leather and different size heels,now the airport is the best place in the world for people watching,so I am sure some one must have noticed.

GO HABS GO :lol: :lol:

Over here they call that "starting a new fashion". Kids wear mixed coloured socks as it is. Just a question of time before it migrates to shoes. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 3.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Guest archey

True personal story.

A friend and I decided to take my MC and trailer to the beach yesterday.

Food,,check

chairs, blanket,,,check

refreshements check

change of clothes ,,,,check.

Off we go,,nice ride,,,park across the street from the beach in the shade. She goes to change, and I get the stuff out of the trailer. I then check on my change of clothes,,,,uh-oh,,,,,where are my sandles :o ? No sandles,,,moccasons, nothing for my feet,,,,just socks and cowboy boots :blink:

Now,,,I REALLY do not like walking in my bare-feet across hot pavement, hot sand or stones, so I did the only thing possible,,,,I came out of the change room wearing just my bathing suit and my black cowboy boots. :ph34r::lol::unsure:

I'm sure there was chuckling and some finger pointing from the other bathers. :ph34r:

must be the grapes style trunks, cause i'm trying, but i'm failing to see the humor in this. :huh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest habs1952

True personal story.

A friend and I decided to take my MC and trailer to the beach yesterday.

Food,,check

chairs, blanket,,,check

refreshements check

change of clothes ,,,,check.

Off we go,,nice ride,,,park across the street from the beach in the shade. She goes to change, and I get the stuff out of the trailer. I then check on my change of clothes,,,,uh-oh,,,,,where are my sandles :o ? No sandles,,,moccasons, nothing for my feet,,,,just socks and cowboy boots :blink:

Now,,,I REALLY do not like walking in my bare-feet across hot pavement, hot sand or stones, so I did the only thing possible,,,,I came out of the change room wearing just my bathing suit and my black cowboy boots. :ph34r::lol::unsure:

I'm sure there was chuckling and some finger pointing from the other bathers. :ph34r:

Keep an eye out for the video on Youtube. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you hear about the guy who called the police because he saw some people stealing things out of the shed in his back yard? The police asked him if they were in his house and he said, "No." Then the police said that all units were busy and he should lock his doors. They would send someone as soon as they could.

The guy hung up, waited 30 seconds and called back. "I just called you about the people stealing things out of my shed. Well, don't worry about it, I shot them."

In less than five minutes, police cars screeched into his driveway, sirens blaring, and caught the thieves red-handed.

"I thought you said you shot them," said the officer.

"Thought you said no one was available," he replied.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Recently I went to the doctor for my annual physical.

The nurse asked me how much I weighed. I told her 135 pounds. Then she weighed me and the scale said 160.

She asked me how tall I was. I said, "5 feet, 5 inches." She measured me and I was only 5 feet, 3 inches.

So she took my blood pressure and told me it was high.

"Of course it's high," I said. "When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm short and fat!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you hear about the guy who called the police because he saw some people stealing things out of the shed in his back yard? The police asked him if they were in his house and he said, "No." Then the police said that all units were busy and he should lock his doors. They would send someone as soon as they could.

The guy hung up, waited 30 seconds and called back. "I just called you about the people stealing things out of my shed. Well, don't worry about it, I shot them."

In less than five minutes, police cars screeched into his driveway, sirens blaring, and caught the thieves red-handed.

"I thought you said you shot them," said the officer.

"Thought you said no one was available," he replied.

LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Winona County, Minnesota - Burglar breaks into sheriff's home. This hapless crook failed to notice the police cruiser in the driveway when he grabbed a hammer from the garage and smashed a window. The lawman, being only a few houses down, heard the noise and eventually tackled the burglar.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest habs1952

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly--from the sky--a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The Blond, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, this is the Manager of the Ice Rink!"

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every bunker, water hazard and piece of rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is the proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those girls to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back.

"I can't do it," he said, "one of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small world!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MANKATO, Minn. — Everything went according to plan for two pajama-clad stepsisters who took a goat they’d freed from a Minnesota zoo for a late-night walk.

Until they told the Mankato police officer who stopped them about 11:30 p.m. Saturday that the animal lived in their bedroom closet.

The stepsisters, ages 6 and 7, said they regularly took the goat out for late-night walks because Dad didn’t know their mother had bought it two weeks earlier.

The unconvinced officer walked the girls home, where their parents explained they’d attended a birthday party at the Sibley Park Zoo earlier that day. That’s when they hatched a plan to take one of the goats home.

The Free Press says police don’t know how the girls freed the goat, which was returned to the zoo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thief takes a photo of himself on a laptop, saves it to the harddrive, and sells the stolen computer. Police found a partial shirtless photo of the suspect when they recovered the computer from an electronics store. For a chance to do your good deed for the day and in the event you recognize the suspect, police have given out this number. 708-447-2127 ext. 284.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fugitive cows turns herself in. An update on Yvonne the cow. It seems she turned up on a woman's farm near the Austrian border. A sanctuary worker identified her the help of her ear tag. According to the local council in Muehldorf, Yvonne "got tired of the loneliness and jumped over the fence to join her fellow bovines. She is now grazinging contentedly with four calves. Her owners were on their way to pick her up. I wonder if she'll try to escape again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When the midget physic from the circus got caught with his hand in a till... He was arrested and promptly hauled off to jail.. From which he escaped.

The newspaper headline the next day:

Small Medium at Large

well,i thought it was funny. :unsure::lol:

I had to read that like 5 times. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,

'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,

'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend,

'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.

It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,

'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised now.

'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,

'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest habs1952

Piece of string walks in to a bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve string here."

The string Says "Ok, I'll take my business elsewhere."

The string walks down to the next bar, and tries to order a drink, the bartender in this bar says "We don't serve pieces of string here, move on!"

The string is a little hurt, but he decides that he still needs a drink, and moves a little farther down the street to another bar.

He walks in tries to order a drink, and the bartender says "Get the hell out! We don't serve string in these parts."

This time the piece of string is real mad. He tussles up his hair, gets himself all knotted up, and walks in to the first bar he went in to, and says "Sir! I'll have a drink!"

The bartender looks at him real close, and says, "Wait a minute, aren't you that piece of string?"

The piece of string puffs out his chest, and says, "Sorry sir, I'm a frayed knot"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Piece of string walks in to a bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve string here."

The string Says "Ok, I'll take my business elsewhere."

The string walks down to the next bar, and tries to order a drink, the bartender in this bar says "We don't serve pieces of string here, move on!"

The string is a little hurt, but he decides that he still needs a drink, and moves a little farther down the street to another bar.

He walks in tries to order a drink, and the bartender says "Get the hell out! We don't serve string in these parts."

This time the piece of string is real mad. He tussles up his hair, gets himself all knotted up, and walks in to the first bar he went in to, and says "Sir! I'll have a drink!"

The bartender looks at him real close, and says, "Wait a minute, aren't you that piece of string?"

The piece of string puffs out his chest, and says, "Sorry sir, I'm a frayed knot"

i hate to burst your bubble (or not) lol, but this joke has already been posted in this thread.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest habs1952

i hate to burst your bubble (or not) lol, but this joke has already been posted in this thread.

Just admit it Archey, you really enjoyed bursting my bubble. :lol: I need to get another bubble.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...