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rosalie52
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Albuquerque, New Mexico - A man impersonating a police office pulls over a cop. Our impersonator claims he never impersonated an office but instead was asking the driver why he was in the parking lot next to an auto auction yard where a friend works. What's worse was he had an outstanding warrant for reckless driving.

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Working people frequently ask retired people what

they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I

went into town and visited a shop. We were only in

there for about 5 minutes. When we came out,

there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a dumb *****. He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

So Mary called him an idiot. He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes..

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home

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I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to

track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about

sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000

additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us shoot the enemy that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile…

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up shooting at some fanatical's.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.

He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowardly terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million peed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...

in menopause!!!

You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on

border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

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THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME:

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,

THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS,

HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,

"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH ....

THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID LOUDLY,

"I WANT TO MOVE TO MONTANA ..

THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY YELLED,

"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO ..

THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,

LOOKED AT THE MEN,

AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."

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Cobb County, Georgia - a woman cancels a $49,484 dollar check she used to buy a 2011 Chevy Silverado pickup truck and then pawns the truck for $5000. What makes this interesting is that during the course of the investigation, police found she was married to two men at the same time. She married the first man in 2004, but didn't him until 2008 almost a year after marrying the second man. Whoops.

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A family in Danvers, Massachusetts, paid $45 to walk through a cornfield maze Monday evening only to find it was like a maze in there.

The couple and their young child got lost in the maze and had to call 911 for rescue, reports CBS Boston.

"We thought this would be fun. Instead, it's a nightmare," the caller told the 911 dispatcher.

Cops tracked down the stranded trio using police dogs and by having the father shout out "Hello, K-9" until the pups found them.

The family was escorted home.

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Working people frequently ask retired people what

they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I

went into town and visited a shop. We were only in

there for about 5 minutes. When we came out,

there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a dumb *****. He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

So Mary called him an idiot. He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes..

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Guest habs1952

Regina - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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Regina - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

:lol: :lol:

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I like to cook,,nothing complicated, but I enjoy it. So tonite I'm looking at recipes for various things and I came across one for British Shepherds Pie. Well, I have my own homemade Shepherds Pie in the freezer, so I wanted to see what theirs was all about. Here's what it said at the beginning.

"SHEPHERDS PIE (BRITISH)

"Before we start, let us be clear and lets get it right. Shepherds pie is made with lamb, cottage pie is made with beef. Never in the history of the British isles has cheese ever come close to either. If you see cheese anywhere near a recipe for either, put it down to the USA's obsession to add cheese to anything that moves - it doesn't generally belong with meat unless you desire lead in your stomach."

:lol:

Well, I thought it was funny. :unsure:

Here's another recipeI stumbled upon. :blink:

"BOLOGNA SANDWICH

Buy some ham or bologna (one pack) and some bread (one loaf) and buy a little jar of mustard. Then you make yourself a bologna sandwich. Put the bread down on the table, put the bologna on it. Spread the mustard on the bologna. Put another piece of bread on the bologna, then eat it with some milk. Then clean up."

You can't make this stuff up. :lol:

Here's some comments from the sandwhich recipe.

"This recipe changed my life.

All of this time I was putting the mustard on the bread! I never knew it went on the bologna. Wow, just wow! Thanks for clearing this up for me.

you just made my whole summer! this is a recipe I will go back to again and again. whodathunkit

Thanks I'm just learning how to cook. This one really helped, anyone have a recipe to peanut butter and Jelly?

Great recipe!! But I'm wondering, could this be made with rye bread, or is white bread necessary? "

Toooooo Much :lol:

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This just in from CNN.

For those of you who have texting capabilities, you (males at least) can now have a girlfriend. The only problem,,is that she is a fake girlfriend. You give her the name. You can go to a site, and you will see this. It's all above board, and nothing risque is sent to you.

" Save XXX-XXX-XXXX (I blocked out the number) to your phone under your "girlfriend's" name.

When you're out with your friends, send a text to the FakeGirlfriend number.

FakeGirlfriend will respond with a random girlfriend-esque message.

Tell everyone how great your "girlfriend" is. "

:lol: How lonely do you have to be?

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Regina - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Nice to see that joke being recycled. It's been put to the 1988 Dallas Cowboys and the 1988 Baltimore Orioles.
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Guest habs1952

Nice to see that joke being recycled. It's been put to the 1988 Dallas Cowboys and the 1988 Baltimore Orioles.

And the maple leafs.

Yeah...well....your gonna hear it put to the Habs this year too. :P

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