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rosalie52
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Our bright idea of the day. I didn't catch all of this but, a couple of geniuses came up the idea of trying to start a semi truck with lighted charcoal and placing it under the oil pan. You can guess what happened to the truck - and also a nearby landfill. All this took place in -30 degrees Fahrenhiet (-1 Celsius) in Colorado.

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I heard on the radio while going downtown tonight that some guy broke into a house in Washington, DC so he could charge his phone this past week after he lost power, and when he thought he heard someone, he ran out of the house and forgot his phone. Needless to say, they caught him(via his phone) and charged him with breaking and entering.

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An guy walks into a bar and orders 3 shots. After he drinks them the bartenders asks him "Why 3 shots?".

He replies, "Well I've got two brothers, don't ya know and since we can't be together, we promised each other to always have a drink for each other."

The bartender thinks to himself "That's pretty cool".

The guy becomes a regular and always orders his 3 shots until one day he comes in an only orders 2 shots.

The bartender wonders whats up and finally asks "Hey I don't mean to pry but did something happen to one of your brothers?".

The guy replies "Oh my brothers are fine don't ya know, Its me,

I'm on the wagon."

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This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

(The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/05 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians:

Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans:

Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:

Negative.

You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:

This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.

I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians:

No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:

THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.

WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.

I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH-

-I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH-

-OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians:

This is a lighthouse.

Your call.

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A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.

He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was

sitting there.

"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the first man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super

Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"

The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was

supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.

This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got

married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find

someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the

seat?

The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

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Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Carbrera was arrested last Wednesday for DUI apparently while on his way to Lakeland, Florida to report for spring training. His car was on the side of the road with the engine smoking which drew the attention of the police. He might have let the oil level get down too low. He was also smelling of alcohol and refuse to take a breathalizer test. Normally, there wouldn't be anything funny about such an incident, but to top it off, Cabrera, according to the police report, downed a bottle of Scotch in front of a sheriff's deputy.

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Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Carbrera was arrested last Wednesday for DUI apparently while on his way to Lakeland, Florida to report for spring training. His car was on the side of the road with the engine smoking which drew the attention of the police. He might have let the oil level get down too low. He was also smelling of alcohol and refuse to take a breathalizer test. Normally, there wouldn't be anything funny about such an incident, but to top it off, Cabrera, according to the police report, downed a bottle of Scotch in front of a sheriff's deputy.

The NHL has their share of questionable characters, but the NBA, MLB, and the NFL have us beat by a mile.

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^ LOL ouch.

A burglar in Hungary climbed over a fence to rob a house only to be confronted by a sword-wielding Olympic fencing ace. Virgine Ujlaky, 23, was practicing her swordplay when she saw Pal Nagy, 43, clambering in through a window of her house in a posh suburb of Budapest.

Within seconds and a few swift slashes of the sword the crook was pinned against the wall, with the blade against his throat as the swordswoman reached for the phone and called police. They arrested the villan 20 minutes later, who had to be treated by paramedics for shock. Ujlaky said: "I wasn't scared when I saw him. It was good practice as I have a competition coming up this week."

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No word on where this happened, but some guy at a bar bought drinks for some women, obviously thinking he might have a chance with them. His anticipation would turn to rage when he found out the women he was buying drinks for were actually men in drag.

HMMMM,,,never thought of trying to get free drinks that way. :lol:

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A dentist uses a college kid's lost credit card to buy pizza. When the student attempted to cancel his card, he was told forty dollars had been charged to his card. When police were able to track down the dentist, they found he had $250 in his pocket and a net worth of $3-4 millions dollars. Nothing like the thrill of the theft is there? Needless to say, he's looking at credit card fraud.

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I didn't catch where this happened, but a burglar picked the wrong to take a shower. No time ever is. The home owner picked that time to return home and confront the intruder. The burglar called 9-1-1 out of fear the owner was going to hurt him.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Some people amaze me.

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El Paso County, Colorado - In a effort to collect an $80 debt, this guy uses a front end loader to wreck his neighbor's house, brick garage, campers, a trailer, a propane tank, classics cars, and 12 mature elm trees. Needless to say, he was arrested on felony mischief charges.

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A bank robber was thwarted by a brave teller in Texas.

After the would-be thief demanded cash, the teller responded that she could only hand over the dough if he produced identification, which the thief was happy to do in return for $800.

Nathan Wayne Pugh, 49, produced his client card for the very bank he was robbing as well as a Texas state identification card.

Pugh was sentenced on Tuesday to eight years in federal prison

Stupidity at it's finest :)

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A bank robber was thwarted by a brave teller in Texas.

After the would-be thief demanded cash, the teller responded that she could only hand over the dough if he produced identification, which the thief was happy to do in return for $800.

Nathan Wayne Pugh, 49, produced his client card for the very bank he was robbing as well as a Texas state identification card.

Pugh was sentenced on Tuesday to eight years in federal prison

Stupidity at it's finest :)

LMAO

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A bank robber was thwarted by a brave teller in Texas.

After the would-be thief demanded cash, the teller responded that she could only hand over the dough if he produced identification, which the thief was happy to do in return for $800.

Nathan Wayne Pugh, 49, produced his client card for the very bank he was robbing as well as a Texas state identification card.

Pugh was sentenced on Tuesday to eight years in federal prison

Stupidity at it's finest :)

Or he just panicked

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A man who had been arrested for starting a bar fight calls 9-1-1 from the Sandusky County jail in Fremont, Ohio to say he was being held against his will. He also banged against the cell bars and the door which got him handcuffed to the holding cell. Sheriff deputies finally confiscated his cell phone. A little late for that.

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