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Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
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Gregg County - It always helps to have a good meal before going to work. A burglar swipes $87 and takes time out to down a can of ravioli, which means the star witness will be Chef Boyardee. The suspect also took a green reusable shopping bag, a black hooded fleece, and two $2 bills. He is being held on $10,000 bond.

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Any comments on the bank robber who complained about being shortchanged?

yeah now that i think of it.

he has an element of the detroit tigers in him i guess..

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Guest habs1952

Montreal's CJAD 800 played Donna the Deer Lady this week. So, not only does it have 1 mil hits on youtube, it's also all over the AM dial.

I'm still in shock.

Take your pick: She's

1. Not the brightest light in the harbor.

2. The light's on but no one's home.

3. Not the brightest bulb in the box.

4. A few screws short of a hardware store.

5. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

6. A few cards short of a deck.

7. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

8. About as sharp as a marble.

9. Only has one oar in the water.

10. Smart as a bag of rocks.

11. A burger short of a combo meal.

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Guest habs1952

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Gotta keep that American economy humming. :lol:

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Kenmore, Australia - An elderly couple, ages 83 and 76, with black belts in various martial arts, fight off a home invader. The husband pulled out a knife and told the intruder to leave. The intruder, not taking kindly to the suggestion, ran straight into the blade. The wife chased the burglar, who kept dropping items he had taken, around the house before he was able to escape over the balconey with only two sacks of items.

:lol:

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Kenmore, Australia - An elderly couple, ages 83 and 76, with black belts in various martial arts, fight off a home invader. The husband pulled out a knife and told the intruder to leave. The intruder, not taking kindly to the suggestion, ran straight into the blade. The wife chased the burglar, who kept dropping items he had taken, around the house before he was able to escape over the balconey with only two sacks of items.

:lol:

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Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a Lafayette Street tavern. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the street for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally the man started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the blinkers on and off, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over, and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

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I saw this on the news and thought I would show it here. The story is that this woman driver has driven on the sidewalk to avoid the school bus, a number of times. The bus driver phoned the police and the cops were waiting for her. The result,,,,a hefty fine and she had to stand on a corner with a sign that said: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk" :lol: :lol:

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Abilene, Texas - A thief tries swap barcodes to get a television set for $2. It seems he grabbed a $1.17 barcode from a hanger and tried to place it on a $228 television. He is looking at state felony theft charges since he has prior convictions for theft.

A $2 TV?????? WTH was he thinking? :blink:

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Orlando, Florida - It helps to know the language of the people you intend to rob. Three men left a Chinese restaurant empty handed after not being able to explain their intentions to the employees who only spoke Cantonese.

Thank goodness for dumb criminals,,,,or else we wouldn't have our daily laughs. :lol:

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Cleveland, Ohio - A woman must wear an "idiot" sign for driving on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.

See post 1343,,,the vid is there. :)

1995,,,,a woman is murdered and the case is unsolved. Fast forward to 2009, when a man had a heart attack and thought he was dying. He then decided to make a confession,,,and made said confession to a guard at the hospital. The guard called in his supervisor to hear the confession as well. The patient got better and recanted, but it was too late. He was charged with murder and got 51 years.

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