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Port St. Lucie, Florida - A man sings "I'm not going to jail" ends up going there. He had been standing in the street at 10:45 P.M. yelling obscenities and slurs when police told him to go back inside. He complied, but then began playing loud music and singing "not going to jail line." He ended up being arrested for disorderly conduct and intoxification.

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Port St. Lucie, Florida - A man sings "I'm not going to jail" ends up going there. He had been standing in the street at 10:45 P.M. yelling obscenities and slurs when police told him to go back inside. He complied, but then began playing loud music and singing "not going to jail line." He ended up being arrested for disorderly conduct and intoxification.

:lol: :lol:

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ROME, Ga., Sept. 25 (UPI) -- Police in Georgia said a man dressed as Burger King's mascot entered a McDonald's restaurant and handed out free food.

Officers said they were called to the McDonald's in Rome, Ga., around 1 p.m. Sept. 17 by the restaurant's manager, who told them a man dressed in the king costume of the rival chain's mascot had come into the store and handed out free burgers to customers, the Rome News-Tribune reported Tuesday.

The manager said the man claimed to be collecting money for charity, but did not collect any funds while inside the McDonald's. She said he left in a white Acura and removed his mask, revealing the face of a middle aged white man with dark hair.

The video actually starts at :27 secs.

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Urbana, Ohio - A man gets arrested twice in the same day and at the same time. First, shortly after 1:00 A.M., he was observed driving the wrong way on a one way street and smelled of alcohol and also had a small amount of marijuana. An hour later, the suspect put the car in reverse and nearly smashed a police car and was arrested by the same officer. So how can someone be arrested twice in the same day and at the same exact time (or approximately)? That's easy. The second arrest occured shortly after Daylight Savings time went into effect.

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Urbana, Ohio - A man gets arrested twice in the same day and at the same time. First, shortly after 1:00 A.M., he was observed driving the wrong way on a one way street and smelled of alcohol and also had a small amount of marijuana. An hour later, the suspect put the car in reverse and nearly smashed a police car and was arrested by the same officer. So how can someone be arrested twice in the same day and at the same exact time (or approximately)? That's easy. The second arrest occured shortly after Daylight Savings time went into effect.

He'll claim the DST messed him up.

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Dr. to patient,,,,"What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour per day,,,or being dead 24 hours a day?"

Engineer joke

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost 10 pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to those girls over there."

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have three buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! Today is Wednesday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:15 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him........"

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Guest habs1952

Dr. to patient,,,,"What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour per day,,,or being dead 24 hours a day?"

Engineer joke

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost 10 pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to those girls over there."

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have three buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! Today is Wednesday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:15 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him........"

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Kids say the darndest things. From an email.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

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Indianapolis, Indiana - If you're going to drop in unannounced, at least do it the conventional way. This driver crashed into a home and asked the occupants if they wanted any pizza. The driver, who had a pizza and hot sauce in the back seat, admitted to having five beers while waiting for the pizza.

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October 2, 2010. Tennessee gets caught with 13 men on the field on should have been the game's final play. The goofup gave LSU a second chance to score on a 1 yard for a 16-14 win over the Volunteers.

Coach can't count? :lol:

Just south of me is St. Thomas, Ont. This was on the news,

"Police arrested a man who allegedly stole a poppy donation box from a St. Thomas pharmacy Sunday.

A surveillance camera caught a male grabbing a poppy box and walking out of the pharmacy around 10:30 a.m.

The male, who just had a prescription filled was easily identified by staff.

Brooks Ferris, 24, of St. Thomas, is charged with theft under $5,000 and breaching probation.

The poppy box hasn't been recovered."

They had his name and address on file. :lol:

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Guest habs1952

October 2, 2010. Tennessee gets caught with 13 men on the field on should have been the game's final play. The goofup gave LSU a second chance to score on a 1 yard for a 16-14 win over the Volunteers.

Tennessee must be the farm team of the Saskatchewan Roughriders. :lol:

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Guest habs1952

A Woman Walks Into The Downtown Welfare Office, Trailed By 15 Kids.

"Wow," The Social Worker Exclaims, "Are They All Yours?"

"Yep, They Are All Mine,"

The Flustered Momma Sighs, Having Heard That Question A Thousand Times Before.

She Says, "Sit Down Terry. " All The Children Rush To Find Seats.

"Well, " Says The Social Worker, "Then You Must Be Here To Sign Up.

I'll Need All Your Children's Names."

"Well, To Keep It Simple, The Boys Are All Named Terry And The Girls Are All Named Terri."

In Disbelief, The Case Worker Says, "Are You Serious? They're All Named Terry?"

Their Momma Replied, "Well, Yes-it Makes It Easier.

When It's Time To Get Them Out Of Bed And Ready For School , I Yell, 'Terry!' And When It's Time For Dinner, I Just Yell 'Terry!' And They All Come A Running. And If I Need To Stop The Kid Who's Running Into The Street, I Just Yell 'terry'

And All Of Them Stop. It's The Smartest Idea I Ever Had, Naming Them All Terry."

The Social Worker Thinks This Over For A Bit, Then Wrinkles Her Forehead And Says Tentatively, "But What If You Just Want One Kid To Come, And Not The Whole Bunch?"

"Then I Call Them By Their Last Names."

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Guest habs1952

October 2, 2010. Tennessee gets caught with 13 men on the field on should have been the game's final play. The goofup gave LSU a second chance to score on a 1 yard for a 16-14 win over the Volunteers.

Tennessee must be the farm team of the Saskatchewan Roughriders. :lol:

I went to the local Tim Horton's & asked for a dozen donughts to go. When I got home I noticed there was thirteen.

I never said a word. :angry::lol: :lol:

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