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rosalie52
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Detroit Red Wings prospect Riley Sheahan was arrested October for driving drunk down the wrong side of the road in a Teletubbies costume. The character was know to TV fans and small in the 90's as Tinky Winky. Sheahan had blood alcohol level of .30 and is also facing charges of providing false information to the police as he was carrying the license of Grand Rapids teammate and fellow Detroit prospect Brendan Smith and also possible deportation.

:lol: I knew it was a hockey player,,,but I didn't know who.

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Guest habs1952

Detroit Red Wings prospect Riley Sheahan was arrested October for driving drunk down the wrong side of the road in a Teletubbies costume. The character was know to TV fans and small in the 90's as Tinky Winky. Sheahan had blood alcohol level of .30 and is also facing charges of providing false information to the police as he was carrying the license of Grand Rapids teammate and fellow Detroit prospect Brendan Smith and also possible deportation.

I believe the actual charge is 'Super drunk driving' because of the high blood alcohol reading. He faces 180 days in prison and deportation.

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Guest habs1952

I've also posted this on the "Questions and Comments" thread but it seems this thread is appropriate. I did see the charge of super drunk driving.

Maybe we need a thread titled 'Athletes in Trouble With the Law'.

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Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

----------- ---------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contract which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 10

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client,

And remember:

Don't make old people mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to peeve us off.

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Guest habs1952

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

----------- ---------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contract which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 10

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client,

And remember:

Don't make old people mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to peeve us off.

I got a good chuckle out of that.

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Another case of four legged gatecrashers. This time, three deer get onto a horse racing track and the announcer doesn't miss a beat. It ended up being Rudolph by a nose over Bambi. Those of you who have speakers will like this and made it onto ESPN's Not Top Ten. I've been trying to search GoogleVideo and Youtube for several weeks for ESPN's Not Top Ten with no luck. Does anyone know where to find it?

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Another case of four legged gatecrashers. This time, three deer get onto a horse racing track and the announcer doesn't miss a beat. It ended up being Rudolph by a nose over Bambi. Those of you who have speakers will like this and made it onto ESPN's Not Top Ten. I've been trying to search GoogleVideo and Youtube for several weeks for ESPN's Not Top Ten with no luck. Does anyone know where to find it?

All I have been able to find are old ones on YouTube.

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Actual headlines (yes,,the spelling is correct):

Missippi's literacy program shows improvement.

Bugs flying around with wings, are flying bugs.

llliteracy, still a problem, study finds.

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.

One-armed man applauds kindness of strangers.

Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.

Homicide victims rarely talk to police.

Red tape holds up new bridge. (as opposed to duct tape :blink: )

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Hannah Sabata isn’t a name you’re familiar with, but clearly she thought you should be. Trouble is, she didn’t really think things through very clearly. You see, Hannah decided that it would be a good idea to rob a bank and steal a car… and then post a video bragging about what she’d done on YouTube. A wardrobe change might have been smart, because she’d already worn that outfit on another video earlier in the day: the one police examined from the bank’s closed-circuit cameras. With a suspect that fit the description fessing up on video that named the specific make and model of vehicle stolen (a shiny Pontiac Grand Am) and flashing a wad of cash (all $6,000 she’d stuffed into a pillow case), it didn’t take local police long to make an arrest.

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Guest habs1952

Hannah Sabata isn’t a name you’re familiar with, but clearly she thought you should be. Trouble is, she didn’t really think things through very clearly. You see, Hannah decided that it would be a good idea to rob a bank and steal a car… and then post a video bragging about what she’d done on YouTube. A wardrobe change might have been smart, because she’d already worn that outfit on another video earlier in the day: the one police examined from the bank’s closed-circuit cameras. With a suspect that fit the description fessing up on video that named the specific make and model of vehicle stolen (a shiny Pontiac Grand Am) and flashing a wad of cash (all $6,000 she’d stuffed into a pillow case), it didn’t take local police long to make an arrest.

The world will be in good hands when we pass on. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Hannah Sabata isn't a name you're familiar with, but clearly she thought you should be. Trouble is, she didn't really think things through very clearly. You see, Hannah decided that it would be a good idea to rob a bank and steal a car… and then post a video bragging about what she'd done on YouTube. A wardrobe change might have been smart, because she'd already worn that outfit on another video earlier in the day: the one police examined from the bank's closed-circuit cameras. With a suspect that fit the description fessing up on video that named the specific make and model of vehicle stolen (a shiny Pontiac Grand Am) and flashing a wad of cash (all $6,000 she'd stuffed into a pillow case), it didn't take local police long to make an arrest.

Exact amount was $6256. Since when do a lot of crooks think things through clearly?

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Things for sale on E-bay

Leavenworth Prison cast iron ball and chain, leg irons,,,Buy it now,,$51.00 (rusty, but nice)

Unicorn meat (in a can),,Buy it now,,$14.89

Stuffed Piranha,,,Buy it now,,$54.20

Moose poop earings. Buy it now,,,$12.99 (for the woman who has everything)

Unicorn horn,,,Buy it now,,,$65.00

"My teeth are for sale" ,,Buy it now,,$5.98 ,,,,(I need a pair :lol: )

True Wicca blessed keys to past lives,,Very Rare,,,$19.95

1969 Jimi Hendrix mug shot,,framed 11X14,,,$7.49

James Woods dental impressions,,$79.99

121 year old lost spells, found in real witches trunk,,$9.00 (skeleton keys )

Bigfoot Hair,,,limited quantity,,,$11.61 ,,,,(watch for naked Bigfoot)

"Something weird old rock fossil",,,$12.99

"Possibly worthless coins and paper money",,$.99

007 cuff links,,,,,$5.99

Bacon candy,,,,$5.49

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MIlwaukee - A clown fights with the bailiff in court after he was ordered to remove the nose part of his costume. He had been brought up charges of fighting with police officers after the clown had been spraying drivers with a squirt gun. He is facing disorderly conduct charges from that incident.

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MIlwaukee - A clown fights with the bailiff in court after he was ordered to remove the nose part of his costume. He had been brought up charges of fighting with police officers after the clown had been spraying drivers with a squirt gun. He is facing disorderly conduct charges from that incident.

horse walks into a bar. the bartender says,"why the long face?"

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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 1, 2010

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 2, 2010

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 3, 2010

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name...

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: November 4, 2010

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All the damn Employees

DATE: November 5, 2010

RE: The Holiday Party from hell

I've had it with you vegetarian twits!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your damn salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you wierdos can get lost. I hope you all get food poisoning

May you all have a rotten holiday!

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: November 6, 2010

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Whatever!

Joan

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