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Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
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Maybe this should be on the NFL Thread. New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow has complained about being passed over as the starting quarterback in favor of third stringer Greg McElroy. McElroy was named the starter for Sunday's game against San Diego. Tebow has apparently said he will not play in any wildcat formation.

What's laughable is the Tebow believes he is an NFL quarterback when it is widely bleieved he isn't. Not when his sideline passes tend to flutter and has the worst rating for any quarterback.

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NIceville, Florida - A 22 year old man on the spur of the moment, as is ofter the case, attempts to rob a convenience despite not having a weapon as he told the clerk. After the clerk showed the robber the empty cash drawer, the robber left empty handed and called his mother for a ride home from a nearby store.

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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead .

The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead .

Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive …

So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"

A drunk was sitting in the back, quickly raised his hand and said . . .

"If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,

you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

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NIceville, Florida - A 22 year old man on the spur of the moment, as is ofter the case, attempts to rob a convenience despite not having a weapon as he told the clerk. After the clerk showed the robber the empty cash drawer, the robber left empty handed and called his mother for a ride home from a nearby store.

wow

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Guest habs1952

A drunk was sitting in the back, quickly raised his hand and said . . .

"If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,

you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

:lol: :lol:

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Guest habs1952

This will be old news to the rest of you, but anyone, it turns out one of the first suspects from the Vancouver riots in 2011 was Sophie Laboisonierre, a former Miss Congeniality. She pleaded guilty Monday to rioting and that plea was entered on her behalf by her lawyer.

She probably apologized to everything she destroyed. :lol: :lol:

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Kershaw County, South Carolina - Another case of don't go to work hungry. This suspect robs a convience store of beer, cigarettes, snacks, and energy drinks. The mistake here was that he also picked up an open bag of Cheetos and left a trail of the snack to his front porch. Police would find the stolen items and make the arrest.

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911 call:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

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A sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says sorry we don't serve food here..

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk....

A skunk, a deer and a duck walk into a fancy restaurant and order a huge meal. The restaurant owner asks how they are going to pay for it. The skunk says, "I haven't got a scent on me." The deer says, "I have no doe." The duck says, "Put it on my bill!"

A skeleton walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll ya have"?

Skeleton says, "Give me a beer and a mop".

A Termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the Bar tender here?"

I wrote a performance art piece on puns.

It's a play on words.

:ph34r:

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Syracuse, NY – A bank robber was quickly captured this morning when he returned to Alliance Bank after discovering the teller had not given him the full $20,000 he had demanded, Syracuse police said.

Arthur Bundrage, 28, of 306 Kinne St, East Syracuse, was charged with fourth-degree grand larceny. He is being held in the Onondaga County Justice Center pending arraignment in Syracuse City Court.

Here’s what police said happened:

About 9 a.m., Bundrage entered the Alliance Bank at 1001 James St., walked up to a teller and demanded $20,000 in cash.

The teller told him no. When Bundrage demanded again, the teller gave him an undisclosed amount of cash.

Bundrage then left. The bank immediately called 911.

As officers were responding, Bundrage discovered the teller had not given him the full $20,000.

Officers found him standing at the front door attempting to get back in.

He was taken into custody without incident, police said.

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Prestbury, South Africa - In a reversal of roles a South African man makes a citizen's arrest on a drunken officer. Our good citizen notice a police car driving erratically before stopping. When questioned, the officer drove off before stopping again. The incident was reported to police who placed him under arrest.

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