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Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
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Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 5 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size!!!!

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in BIG PRINT for your convenience!!!

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Guest habs1952

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 5 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size!!!!

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in BIG PRINT for your convenience!!!

I guess I can consider myself lucky. :lol: :lol:

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Pensacola, Florida - How far would you go for romance? This 22 year old man robbed three Waffle House Restaurants and a Kangaroo gas station to pay for his girlfriend's probation costs.

Marathon, Wisconsin - A 57 year old man drives drunk in the police station parking lot after passing Do Not Enter and Police Personnel Only signs and entering from the wrong side of the highway.

Gene pool needs more chlorine. <_<

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Boaz, Alabama - After being arrested and taken to a hospital after a DUI crash, a 24 year old Alabama conned hospital workers into letting him go outside for a quick cigarette. In a unique way to avoid jail, our suspect stole an ambulence, but it got stuck at the end of the street. Next, he came to a barn and adjoining pasture and tried to saddle two horses. After that failed, he stole another car and crashed it. After another car theft, the suspect got away, but returned to the same hosptial when he was bleeding from his original injuries. He was recognized and arrested again.

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Guest habs1952

Boaz, Alabama - After being arrested and taken to a hospital after a DUI crash, a 24 year old Alabama conned hospital workers into letting him go outside for a quick cigarette. In a unique way to avoid jail, our suspect stole an ambulence, but it got stuck at the end of the street. Next, he came to a barn and adjoining pasture and tried to saddle two horses. After that failed, he stole another car and crashed it. After another car theft, the suspect got away, but returned to the same hosptial when he was bleeding from his original injuries. He was recognized and arrested again.

A born loser. :lol:

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An guy goes into a bar every night after work and orders three shots of whiskey. He tells the bartender that he and his two brothers made a pact that wherever they'd go they'd each have a drink for each other every night. After a few years the guy comes in and only orders two. The bartender says, "I'm sorry to ask, but did one of your brothers die? I notice your only having two tonight." "No my brothers are fine... it's me... I'm on the wagon."

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Orlando, Florida - A stick shift stops a carjacking. You can guess what happened. Two men forced a 51 year old man out of his yellow Corvette, but couldn't figure out how to operate the stick shift. This was after the carjackers were told four times they had to push the clutch in because the car was a manual transmission.

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Logansville, Georgia - A suspect charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident claims aliens transported to the scene of the crash. Police found the car in a ditch with the engine running and no one inside. A woman who was with the suspect was found in a church parking lot and was treated for profuse bleeding. 10 minutes later, police got a report of a prowler in a neighbor's yard and found the suspect. You guessed it, he claimed aliens took him there. Not surprisingly, no aliens were available for comment on this story.

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Logansville, Georgia - A suspect charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident claims aliens transported to the scene of the crash. Police found the car in a ditch with the engine running and no one inside. A woman who was with the suspect was found in a church parking lot and was treated for profuse bleeding. 10 minutes later, police got a report of a prowler in a neighbor's yard and found the suspect. You guessed it, he claimed aliens took him there. Not surprisingly, no aliens were available for comment on this story.

I don't think the police looked too hard to find the aliens. :rolleyes:

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Walton County, Florida - A burglar is caught stealing a towel and then tries to disguise himself as the "Sun." No word on how he tried this deception. It was the name he gave police.

:lol:

Springfield police say a woman grabbed her boyfriend around the neck when he refused to share his Jolly Rancher candies, WDTN reported.

Buffy Jo Sample, 41, was charged with domestic violence, assault and disruption of public services

North Bend police say a 45-year-old Oregon woman called 911 on herself after allegedly breaking into a Dollar Tree Store, KCBY reported.

Darlene Huntley was arrested and charged with theft, burglary, criminal mischief and criminal trespass.

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Guest habs1952

:lol:

Springfield police say a woman grabbed her boyfriend around the neck when he refused to share his Jolly Rancher candies, WDTN reported.

Buffy Jo Sample, 41, was charged with domestic violence, assault and disruption of public services

I'll bet her real name is be Puffy Jo Sample. :lol: :lol:

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