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rosalie52
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You mean your 17 year old mind wasn't already in the gutter? :P

Here. Just look at this kitten.

Cute-Kitten-Photos.jpg

Actually clues... a 17 yr old males mind is always in the gutter. ;):lol:

I'm surprised I was able to concentrate enough in school to pass my classes.

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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

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Some say cleanliness is next to godliness, but not Guru Kailash Singh who quit bathing 37 years ago, because he believe he'd be rewarded for his sacrifice.

Kailash, 65, a farmer from India, stopped using soap and water in 1974, after his wedding. He also hasn't cut his dreadlocks, according to the news agency Barcroft.

It wasn't because he no longer needed to attract the ladies that he let himself go. Kailash reportedly abandoned washing because a priest told him it would help him produce a son.

With seven daughters born since then, he's still waiting for a male heir.

Each evening, Kailash winds down the day with a "fire bath" ritual of smoking marijuana, praying to the Hindu god Shiva and dancing around a campfire.

There was one failed attempt by his family to force him into a stream.

‘He fought us off and ran away,’ his wife Kalavati Devi, 60, told Barcroft. ‘We’ve tried several times since to force him to have a shower but he puts up such a fuss.

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Some say cleanliness is next to godliness, but not Guru Kailash Singh who quit bathing 37 years ago, because he believe he'd be rewarded for his sacrifice.

Kailash, 65, a farmer from India, stopped using soap and water in 1974, after his wedding. He also hasn't cut his dreadlocks, according to the news agency Barcroft.

It wasn't because he no longer needed to attract the ladies that he let himself go. Kailash reportedly abandoned washing because a priest told him it would help him produce a son.

With seven daughters born since then, he's still waiting for a male heir.

Each evening, Kailash winds down the day with a "fire bath" ritual of smoking marijuana, praying to the Hindu god Shiva and dancing around a campfire.

There was one failed attempt by his family to force him into a stream.

‘He fought us off and ran away,’ his wife Kalavati Devi, 60, told Barcroft. ‘We’ve tried several times since to force him to have a shower but he puts up such a fuss.

I just died laughing.

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Reason's I'm glad I'm a dude:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.

Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.

When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

You can kill your own food.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

The National College Cheerleading Championship

You can write your name in the snow.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

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Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

I love this one

Michigan:

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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I just had to post this one. :D

A guy from Quebec and a guy from Toronto are walking down the

beach. They come across a magic lamp, out comes a genie and

says, "I will grant each of you one wish." So the guy from

Quebec says, "I wish for a wall 500 feet high around Quebec so

nobody can bug us again."

GRANTED!

The guy from Toronto says, "Fill it with water."

GRANTED!

:ph34r:

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Dirk Nowitzki getting No. 5 on ESPN's Not Top Ten for a ceremonial first pitch which sailed over the catcher's head. That's a laugh when realize there have been far worse ceremonial first pitches before a ballgame.

You's think he woulda practiced the pitch in order not to look like a fool.

In other news.

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

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A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

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