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Good jokes/funny stories

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Atlanta - A would be car thief tried to sneak up on a woman at the gas station while she was pumping gas.  After getting into the front seat, the suspect was doused with gasoline.  He then fled in the car the brought him to the gas station.  

 

 

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Madrid - Another idiot tried to smuggle cocaine under his toupee.  The half kilo bag was glued to the suspect's head.  

 

 

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Man tries to bribe his way out of trouble by offering a police officer four pounds of cannabis

Michael Henderson, 28, told the officer that he would give him two pounds of the drug if he released him without issue, and then quickly upgraded the bribe to all four pounds when he seemed unenthused

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16 hours ago, kinot-2 said:

Man tries to bribe his way out of trouble by offering a police officer four pounds of cannabis

Michael Henderson, 28, told the officer that he would give him two pounds of the drug if he released him without issue, and then quickly upgraded the bribe to all four pounds when he seemed unenthused

There was another case of a man wearing a "Coke" t-shirt who was spotted by an undercover officer.  The suspect then offered to sell four rocks of crack cocaine to the officer.  

 

 

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67317918_672483586509081_1918535575858577408_n.jpg

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^^^^^LOL

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Atwood, Ontario - A man was caught driving erratically and when he was pulled over, the police found his two year old sitting on a 24 pack of beer that was being used as a booster seat.  

 

 

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Sundbury, Australia - While smoking pot, a driver spots a police cruiser and speeds off swiping another cruiser injuring an officer.  After being tracked to his parents' house, the suspect said he accidently hit the police cruiser because his car was so full of weed smoke he couldn't see.  He faces 14 charges including ramming an emergency vehicle, assaulting an officer, conduct endangering life, and unlicensed driving.  

 

 

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Perth, Australia - A man stuffs a foil container of hot spaghetti down his pants in view of customers and employees - a fact our suspect didn't take in account.  Needless to say, it burned certain areas of his body and he thought better of the plan and tried to throw away the spaghetti, but only succeeded in removing the lid.  The result was he left a trail of spaghetti and hot sauce.  

 

 

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My friend Dave drowned yesterday, we placed a life jacket on his coffin

It's what he would have wanted...

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Cocke County, Tennessee - A man breaks into jail with a picket knife for the purpose of dropping off meth to inmates.  He climbed over a razor wire fence, but couldn't make the return trip over the fence.  Prison officials found the suspect with the pocket knife and the meth.  

 

 

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1564076576_amqunpc6qf.jpg

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12 hours ago, habs1952 said:

1564076576_amqunpc6qf.jpg

:4224:

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Irvine, California - A 19 year woman crashes into jail damaging the gates and her car.  The suspect was not hurt and was escorted across the parking lot and booked into jail.  

 

 

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Wilmington, Massachusetts - A woman drives off without paying for gasoline.  She was caught when police found the pump nozzle and hose still in the car she said she didn't know was there.  She was charged with driving under the influence, having an open container, and negligent driving.  

 

 

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Cleveland, Ohio - A bank robber was caught when he handed the teller a note which was on the back of his Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles form.  

 

 

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Aberdare, South Wales, Australia - A driver being pulled over by police threw heroin and cocaine out the window and said they were for personal use only.  Police noticed a dashcam which showed the driver making a sale and providing details of what was available.  He is charged with possession of heroin with intent to supply and producing cannabis.  

 

 

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Del City, Oklahoma - After a dispute with a neighbor, a woman sets fire to the neighbor's house.  The story here is the woman got caught by her own security camera.  

 

 

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Coney Island, New York - A man walks into a Dunkin Donuts store and places an order.  While adjusting his pants, a gun fell out the waistband to the floor.  It happens that a police officer was already in the store and the suspect was a repeat felon.  

 

 

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Berlin - A crook being served a warrant attempts to escape the police by jumping off the balcony into the shrubbery.  The shrubbery contained a large wasps nest.  The wasps swarmed and chased the suspect into the street toward waiting officers attempting to make the arrest only to be attacked by the wasps.  With the wasps in hot pursuit, the suspect jumped into an inflatable swimming pool which kept the wasps at bay, but not the police who made the arrest.  

 

 

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On 8/9/2019 at 7:07 PM, CANADIENS27 said:

Coney Island, New York - A man walks into a Dunkin Donuts store and places an order.  While adjusting his pants, a gun fell out the waistband to the floor.  It happens that a police officer was already in the store and the suspect was a repeat felon.  

 

 

 

47 minutes ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Berlin - A crook being served a warrant attempts to escape the police by jumping off the balcony into the shrubbery.  The shrubbery contained a large wasps nest.  The wasps swarmed and chased the suspect into the street toward waiting officers attempting to make the arrest only to be attacked by the wasps.  With the wasps in hot pursuit, the suspect jumped into an inflatable swimming pool which kept the wasps at bay, but not the police who made the arrest.  

 

 

^^^^ :4224:

 

This girl is a keeper!!!!
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I
wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while
making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to
deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try
to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm
sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "Edited"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."

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4 hours ago, kinot-2 said:

 

^^^^ :4224:

 

This girl is a keeper!!!!
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I
wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while
making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to
deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try
to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm
sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "Edited"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."

:4224:

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Butler, Pennsylvania - After stealing a credit card from a woman who had given him a ride, this crook first buys a cellphone for $200.  Next, he bought beer and cigarettes for $42.  In both cases, instead of writing his name on the receipts, he wrote in "thief."  Police tracked him using surveillance cameras.  He is charged with receiving stolen property and theft by deception.  

 

 

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2 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Butler, Pennsylvania - After stealing a credit card from a woman who had given him a ride, this crook first buys a cellphone for $200.  Next, he bought beer and cigarettes for $42.  In both cases, instead of writing his name on the receipts, he wrote in "thief."  Police tracked him using surveillance cameras.  He is charged with receiving stolen property and theft by deception.  

 

 

:lol:  Not too smart. 

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67913450_2388259818116263_1449985507499966464_n.jpg

68425562_2403309976612462_5516309124280745984_n.jpg

68462229_2583017245094313_7942651989354086400_n.jpg

69083520_2427263284022929_4805403822459453440_n.jpg

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