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Good jokes/funny stories

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Portland, Oregon - To solve a bike theft problem, police set up a task force.  One officer forgot his U-Lock and used his handcuffs to chain his bicycle to the rack.  90 minutes later, he came back to find the bike gone and the handcuffs dangling from the rack.  

 

 

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Norfolk County, Canada - An underage crook goes online to buy a fake ID shelling out an undisclosed amount of money and his personal information.  He waited for the ID to arrive, but when it never came he called the police.  

 

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On 1/24/2020 at 5:27 PM, CANADIENS27 said:

Norfolk County, Canada - An underage crook goes online to buy a fake ID shelling out an undisclosed amount of money and his personal information.  He waited for the ID to arrive, but when it never came he called the police.  

 

:4224:

 

 

Qk4dgvA.jpg

Edited by kinot-2
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31 minutes ago, kinot-2 said:

:4224:

 

 

Qk4dgvA.jpg

:4224:

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12 hours ago, kinot-2 said:

:4224:

 

 

Qk4dgvA.jpg

This is what happens when companies are in too big a hurry to rush the latest technology to market.  

 

 

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Surrey, British Columbia, Canada - A thief smashes through the front door of a cellphone store only to be confronted by the security guard.  After pushing through a flexible gate, he was able to get inside only to find the pricey cellphones locked away.  When alarms went off, the thief decided it would be a good idea to leave the store.  He got himself stuck under the same flexible gate.  He freed himself and went looking for the key to the flexible gate.  It was then that the cops came and made the arrest.  

 

 

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On 1/27/2020 at 5:11 PM, CANADIENS27 said:

Surrey, British Columbia, Canada - A thief smashes through the front door of a cellphone store only to be confronted by the security guard.  After pushing through a flexible gate, he was able to get inside only to find the pricey cellphones locked away.  When alarms went off, the thief decided it would be a good idea to leave the store.  He got himself stuck under the same flexible gate.  He freed himself and went looking for the key to the flexible gate.  It was then that the cops came and made the arrest.  

 

 

:4224:

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Wilson County, Tennessee - A defendant up on minor possession charges decides to light up a marijuana cigarette in front of the judge to make a statement about the legalization of marijuana.  He was hauled off before he could make any comments.  

 

 

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Bath Township, Ohio - What do you do if your heroin has been stolen?  This crook called police hoping to hire a police dog to track down the stolen heroin.  

 

 

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Missoula, Minnesota - A crook attempts to use a stolen ATM card, but was unable to do so because he didn't have the PIN number.  He then bought a dollar's worth of gasoline and then doused it on the ATM and lit a match.  He succeeded in getting the attention of the police who made the arrest.  

 

 

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2 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Missoula, Minnesota - A crook attempts to use a stolen ATM card, but was unable to do so because he didn't have the PIN number.  He then bought a dollar's worth of gasoline and then doused it on the ATM and lit a match.  He succeeded in getting the attention of the police who made the arrest.  

 

 

Nobody said criminals were smart. 

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^^^LOL

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Kenwood, Ohio - Two crooks break into a jewelry store and are caught on camera making their heist.  On the way out, they got stuck in the elevator and unsuccessfully tried to hide the loot in the elevator ceiling.  They were rescued and arrested.  

 

 

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Chatham, Ontario - How does littering lead to drug charges?  These two teenagers found out when the passenger threw a water bottle out the window and was spotted by an officer.  After pulling them over, the officer found $4000 of marijuana, cannabis oil, drug paraphernalia, and cash in the front seat.  

 

 

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Santa Rosa County, Florida - Two crooks are pulled for driving 95 MPH on I-10.  One of them has an outstanding felony warrant doe probation violation.  They were found with 96 grams of methamphetamine, 1.36 kilos of GHB, 1 gram of cocaine, 3.6 grams of fentanyl, 15 MDMA tablets, and drug paraphernalia.  They were clearly marked and were in a package labeled "Bag Full of Drugs."  

 

 

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^^^^:4224:Especially the last one!

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Warwick, Rhode Island - A woman calls a store asking a missing set of car keys.  She was also suspected of shoplifting and when confronted, pulled 19 pieces of jewelry from her sweatshirt, pockets, and coat.  She is also charged with bail violation.  

 

 

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Witchita Falls, Texas - A woman is pulled over for not using her turn signal.  Knowing she had an outstanding warrant, she gave a false name.  After running that name through the system, that person also had an outstanding warrant.  She is also charged with giving police false information.  

 

 

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7 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Witchita Falls, Texas - A woman is pulled over for not using her turn signal.  Knowing she had an outstanding warrant, she gave a false name.  After running that name through the system, that person also had an outstanding warrant.  She is also charged with giving police false information.  

 

 

:4224:

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Chesterfield, Missouri - Online sells merchandise learns the hard way the police also have internet.  She would list the loot and present some of that loot during live video presentations.  The cops tuned in allowing them to track the merchandise to reports of stolen items.  

 

 

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I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

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Attleboro, Massachusetts - Man meets woman on dating app and first he requests she pick him up at his parents' house.  She complied.  They approached a bank and he asked her to pull into the lot.  The suspect enters the bank and puts on sunglasses and a hat and robs the teller of $1000.  He returns and asks his date to step on it and that got the attention of the police.  She pulled over and surrendered and our suspect was arrested.  A bad first date.  

 

 

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