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Good jokes/funny stories

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Weilkada, Sri Lanka - Thieves use a cat to smuggle in heroin and sim cards to prison.  Guards caught the caught and put it in a holding cell.  When they brought the cat its lunch, it made a daring escape hopping a fence and into the prison yard.  The cat was still at large.  

 

 

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^^^^LOL

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^^^^^:4224::4224:

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Universal City, Texas - A prisoner didn't want to go home after being released after minor charges.  He went to city hall after it had closed for the weekend and hid in the restroom.  He then crawled through the ceiling and into the courthouse where he hacked into a computer for whatever reason.  He was then caught on security camera leaving on Sunday.  

 

 

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Portage La Prairie, Manitoba, Canada - A drunk had been causing a disturbance and police came in an unmarked cruiser.  Our bozo thinking it was a cab hopped in and said 'Take me to  17th street, bro.'  He got his ride - straight to jail.  

 

 

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Seattle - A burglar is caught inside a bedroom at 3:00 A.M.  He flees leaving behind a backpack with his wallet inside.  A few hours later, he calls police to say his wallet had just been stolen.  He then introduced himself to the police who were able to match his picture to that of the wallet and description given by the couple whose house he broke into.  

 

 

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16 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Seattle - A burglar is caught inside a bedroom at 3:00 A.M.  He flees leaving behind a backpack with his wallet inside.  A few hours later, he calls police to say his wallet had just been stolen.  He then introduced himself to the police who were able to match his picture to that of the wallet and description given by the couple whose house he broke into.  

 

 

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB. 

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Middletown, Ohio - A woman steals a student drivers education car and follows a sheriff's deputy for eleven miles matching every turn.  All just to see where the deputy was going.  Eventually, they ended up in a parking lot and deputy pulled her.  He had noticed several moving violations along the way.  

 

 

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16 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Middletown, Ohio - A woman steals a student drivers education car and follows a sheriff's deputy for eleven miles matching every turn.  All just to see where the deputy was going.  Eventually, they ended up in a parking lot and deputy pulled her.  He had noticed several moving violations along the way.  

 

 

Was she blond?

 

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Bexas County, Texas - Police are called to the scene of an attempted robbery.  The crook ditches his getaway car and tries to carjack another, but is denied.  He then goes to a lube shop and steals a car in the middle of an oil change.  The technician had just started draining the oil.  Needless to say, the crook wasn't difficult to trail with the oil spilling out onto the ground.  

 

 

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Clearwater, Florida - A crooks steals 13 lottery scratch off tickets from a store.  After scratching them off, he found a $30 winner and returned to the same store to cash the ticket in.  Needless to say, he was arrested.  

 

 

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Wyckoff, NewJersey - Teenagers break into a petting zoo, let animals loose and put lipstick on a miniature pony.  They took photographs and posted them on Snapchat.  

 

 

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Highlands, Florida - While robbing a man, this crook was wearing a "Playboy" face tatoo.  

 

 

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Naples, Florida - Police pulled over a driver for DUI.  This man claims a language, so an interpreter was brought in.  But during the entire stop including the breathalyzer test, he spoke fluent English to the deputies.  

 

 

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Charlotte County, Florida - A drunk driver hit a digital sign saying Drive Sober or Get Puller Over.  The driver was apparently on the phone when he hit the sign.  He blew a blood alcohol level of .166.  

 

 

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Edited by kinot-2
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Nova Scotia - Of all places to smoke crack cocaine, this bozo picked the back deck at the home of a Mountie.  They didn't test him, but they found two grams of cocaine.  

 

 

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Memphis, Tennessee - A man calls 9-1-1 273 times over two days asking for egg rolls.  The big question is how the system didn't catch on after two or three times.  

 

 

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