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H_T_L

Good jokes/funny stories

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Sacramento, California - A man attempts to steal gumball machine, but the hole he drilled was too small for the machine.  He then tries to shove the machine through the hole only to break the machine spilling the gumballs all over the floor.  Next, he threw the machine over a barb wired fence and picked up the gumballs and a handful of quarters.  Our suspect didn't see a big box of cash donations on the counter next to the gumball machine which apparently was an even bigger prize.  

 

 

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2 hours ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Sacramento, California - A man attempts to steal gumball machine, but the hole he drilled was too small for the machine.  He then tries to shove the machine through the hole only to break the machine spilling the gumballs all over the floor.  Next, he threw the machine over a barb wired fence and picked up the gumballs and a handful of quarters.  Our suspect didn't see a big box of cash donations on the counter next to the gumball machine which apparently was an even bigger prize.  

 

 

:4224:,,, Seen the vid,, hilarious. 

 

 

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Hereford, Arizona - An immigrant in the U.S. learned of a job opening at the U.S. Citizens and Border Protection service.  He applied and that's when the feds learned he was using a fake birth certificate.  He was charged with three counts of passport fraud and a false statement on his law enforcement background application.  

 

 

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5 hours ago, kinot-2 said:

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That's better than what Trump's doing.  

 

 

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Deland, Florida - Two burglars attempted to cover the crime by leaving a pot of spaghetti sauce cooking on the stove with a washcloth.  After receiving a report of a break in, police pulled over a car backing out of a driveway.  The officers found a marijuana grinder in the console.  In the back seat, they found a vacuum, air conditioning unit, a heater, a flat screen television, and an empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce.  Inside, the officers noticed the smell of burning spaghetti sauce.  It was then they found the spaghetti cooking on the stove along with a washcloth.  

 

 

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Buckinghamshire, England - How to avoid a traffic citation.  This woman attempts to claim she is Homer Simpson and then the license had the wrong birthdate.  

 

 

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24 minutes ago, kinot-2 said:

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That is absolutely PRICELESS!!!!

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Long Island, New York - A woman wanting something to eat pulls up to a drive-thru and ordered bacon, egg, and cheese.  The only problem was it was a security hut at the county jail.  Our suspect compounded her problem by having a white powdery substance on her nose.  She was arrested for impaired driving and no driver's license.  

 

 

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1 hour ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Long Island, New York - A woman wanting something to eat pulls up to a drive-thru and ordered bacon, egg, and cheese.  The only problem was it was a security hut at the county jail.  Our suspect compounded her problem by having a white powdery substance on her nose.  She was arrested for impaired driving and no driver's license.  

 

 

^^^ LOL

 

 

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Edited by kinot-2
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On ‎2018‎-‎03‎-‎13 at 5:54 PM, kinot-2 said:

:4224:,,, Seen the vid,, hilarious. 

 

 

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This one cracked up the wife.

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37 minutes ago, H_T_L said:

This one cracked up the wife.

Same as mine. :)

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Seattle - These two shoplifters returned to the scene of their crime at Costco and were known to the loss prevention officer and had escaped through the emergency door.  When they arrived, they were immediately spotted and police were called in and waited outside.  Shortly afterward, the suspects came through the door with computers and vacuums they had shoplifted.  

 

 

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19 minutes ago, CANADIENS27 said:

Seattle - These two shoplifters returned to the scene of their crime at Costco and were known to the loss prevention officer and had escaped through the emergency door.  When they arrived, they were immediately spotted and police were called in and waited outside.  Shortly afterward, the suspects came through the door with computers and vacuums they had shoplifted.  

 

 

I saw the video. Morons.

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^^^ I heard the same thing about idiots.

I read one that said " Canada means Village,,,, and Trudeau is our idiot." :lol:

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A piece of of Apple pie is $2.00 in Jamaica. That same piece if pie is closer to $2.50 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

 

 

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Oklahoma City - This wouldn't be worth posting except the drunk driver in this case is the president of the Oklahoma Independent Petroleum Association.  He was spotted pulling out of a restaurant parking lot.  He then sat in the intersection during a red light and then pulling away when the light turned green.  

 

 

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