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About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface.

Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel.

The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel.

Since the man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon.

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder.

After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate, his son would not.

Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to translate and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate.

Finally, with cash in hand, someone translated the message "Watch out for these guys, they come to take your land".

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George, an elderly man, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said "Okay" hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot all them all!" Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an armed response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the George's residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP? And why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: a drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now... my time is UP!

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book... or not.... it's UP to you.

Now I'll shut UP!

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-One Top Fuel dragster 500 cubic-inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower (10,000HP / 7,456.999kW) than the first 5 rows at the Daytona 500.

-Under full throttle, a dragster engine consumes 1.2-1.5 gallons of nitro methane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced.

-A stock Dodge Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to merely drive the dragster's supercharger.

-With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle.

-At the stoichiometric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitro methane the flame front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.

-Nitromethane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.

-Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.

-Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After 1/2 way, the engine is dieseling from compression plus the glow of exhaust valves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.

-If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half.

-Dragsters reach over 300 MPH (482 kmh) before you have completed reading this sentence.

-In order to exceed 300 MPH (482 kmh) in 4.5 seconds, dragsters must accelerate an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 MPH (322 kmh) well before half-track, the launch acceleration approaches 8G's.

-Top Fuel engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light!

-Including the burnout, the engine must only survive 900 revolutions under load.

-The redline is actually quite high at 9500 RPM.

-THE BOTTOM LINE: Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once, NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimated $1,000 per second.

-0 to 100 MPH (160 kmh) in .8 seconds (the first 60 feet of the run). 0 to 200 MPH (322 kmh) in 2.2 seconds (the first 350 feet of the run)

-6 G-forces at the starting line. 6 negative G-forces upon deployment of twin parachutes at 300 MPH (482 kmh).

-An NHRA Top Fuel Dragster accelerates quicker than any other land vehicle on earth - quicker than a jet fighter, quicker than the space shuttle.

The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record 3.659 seconds for the quarter-mile (Brittany Force). This was done at 338 MPH (544 kmh!).

Putting this all into perspective: You are driving the average $140,000 Lingenfelter twin-turbo powered Corvette Z06. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter-mile strip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the 'Vette hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line and pass the dragster at an honest 200 MPH (322 kmh). The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that moment.

The dragster launches - starts after you. You keep your foot down hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums. Within 3 seconds the dragster catches you, passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter-mile away from where you just passed him.

From a standing start, the dragster had spotted you at 200 MPH (322 kmh). Not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1320-foot-long race!

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One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact".

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was a nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of gents over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, these old blokes had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Well" said the fire chief "the first thing we're gonna do is fix the brakes on that truck!!"

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Waterboro, Maine - A man was spotted in the area where a car theft was reported.  He had no connection to the theft, but police discovered he had an outstanding warrant for a theft at a Walmart.  He was arrested but said he had enough money for bail.  He pulled two $100 bills and them to the bail commissioner and the bills turned out to be counterfeit.  He now faces charges of forgery and passing counterfeit money.  



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Eaton County, Michigan - First, this unidentified bozo is caught driving 97 MPH in a 55 mile zone.  Next, he failed a breathalyzer and had an open container in his car.  He was also found with 12 packs of cocaine and an unlicensed long gun, a felony.  Finally, he was driving with a revoked driver's license.  He was arrested and off to jail.  



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Fairfield, Maine - A woman is clocked at 110 MPH in a 45 mile zone and was driving so fast the car appeared to leave the surface.  An officer gave chase only to have our suspect pull into a Circle-K.  The conversation went nowhere until she said had to use the restroom.  After returning, she was charged with criminal speed, operating after suspension, violating conditions of release, and operating under the influence.  



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Gujurat, India - Three farmers in India got their illegal booze making operation exposed by water buffalos when they hid their stash in the trough.  Several bottles broke and mixed with the water and when the buffalo took a drink, they became sloshed.  One of the farmers noticed the herd was acting strangely and called the vet who examined the herd and said they were fine.  The strange behavior continued and the farmers called a second vet who determined the buffaloes were drunk.  After leaving the stable, the vet notified authorities who arrested the farmers for illegal moonshine, vodka, and whisky.  





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