habsfan1993-eo1 Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Every hockey fan up north liked hockey a lot, But Gary Bettman, who liked basketball, did not. Bettman hated hockey, all its traditions No one knows why he took such positions He sat in his office, his teeth slowly grating, "I must find some way to keep players from skating!" And then Bettman got an idea in his head A way to make hockey fans shiver with dread "I'll become the commissioner" said the old ****head "And make people want to watch basketball instead." So he took half the season, in his second year Which made all of hockey fans shed many tears He took their divisions, their Smythe, and their Norris, He ignored their complaints "The Devils, they bore us!" He expanded the league into odd southern cities Atlanta and Raleigh, where the ice was quite ****ty And he put glowing pucks on the fans TV sets And then Gary Bettman took Winnipeg's Jets Then he took a whole season, 04 and 05 And so the TV ratings took quite a dive. "And now for my next trick," said the big douche "I'll design hockey jerseys that will make the fans puke!" And the fans cried in anguish at the new Reebok sweaters "A retarded two year old could have done better!" So Bettman sat in New York, feeling quite pleased "I'm bringing the hockey fans down to their knees!" And he heard a small sound as he was watching the Knicks The sound of a hockey puck hitting a stick. He ran to his window and looked down below And he saw the ice surface plowed in the snow The hockey fans everywhere still came to play, Ignoring the NHL's ridiculous ways. They played on their ponds, on their frozen back yards They wore vintage sweaters, of original six stars And Bettman was pissed, as he saw they still played Even after the debacle he'd made "They play without Reebok, they play without glow pucks, They play without Thrashers, Panthers or Ducks!" And Bettman then had a brief moment of doubt Maybe hockey, perhaps, doesn't belong down south. And what happened then, some old-timers say, Bettman's small brain exploded that day. And the hockey fans cheered for they knew they were saved And they all started cheering, "Hip hip! Hooray!" And Leafs fans and Habs fans, the Rangers and Bruins Started building the league back up from its ruins. Merry Christmas to hockey, and all of its fans And may the story I just told (please) be in God's plans For we hockey fans are Patient, Loyal and True But please God, take Bettman! What more can we do?!? All apologies for language, and to Theodor Geisel. Geoff White Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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