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Dealing With A Divorce


mtl1010

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Let me start by saying I'm the son in all of this and I'm 16, and there is also my sister who is 14. My parents just decided that they are going to get a divorce.

I'm kinda scared right now, like what's gonna happen and I'm obviously sad and feel like crying.

I guess what I'm asking for is anything that will help me... adivce on how to deal with this, comforting words anything....

And I know that this isn't the place to bring this up, but I am a Christian, and if there is any other Christians on here that can pray for me or anything, please do.... sorry about bringing religion into this but please don't start a debate over it.

And I have a question: do me and my sister choose who we live with?

Thank you guys for reading this... I'd really appreciate it if u can respond to this....

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hey sorry to hear about this. I believe in some cases the children get to decide what parent they are going to live with sometimes its the choice of the parents (due to financial reasons or in case of residents who stays in the common house). All i know is that its going to be rough for a while for you people arent going to understand how you feel (especially those who have never been though a divorce) just keep on going on all will make sense and get better eventually. (and look forward to the next habs game ;) )

Anyways good luck and i will keep you in my prayers.

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I was only nine at the time (seventeen now), but I still remember the day that my parents separated pretty clearly.

I remember crying my eyes out for days, but on looking back on it now I definitely realise it was for the best.

As for if you get to choose who you live with, I'm not too sure about that since I was only nine at the time, and was placed under my mothers care because my father was unfit.

I hope everything works out for the best for you, and if you need to talk it out don't be afraid to talk to your friends about it, and remember there is always everyone here at the forum :)

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Hey mtl1010,

Sorry to hear about this. I've had to deal with divorce myself unfortunately, as a kid when I was 11 and as a parent recently. The last included children.

It is true that, in some cases, it is better to make this hard decision and go for divorce. It all depends on what has happened. Don't get me wrong, I don't need to know what happened between your parents. That is personal. If two people decide to stay together when the love is gone, or other bad things have happened, it will result in....disaster....much worse than deciding to divorce. This goes for the children especially, since they will feel the pain the worst mostly.

So sometimes divorce is inevidable. Don't worry, after the rain there will be sunshine eventually.

I'm Dutch so I don't know how the law works where you live. But here, if I'm not mistaken, it is fact that when children are 14 or older they may choose where to live. Read well...may. Most of the time the judge will decide to let the children stay with the mother, but there are exceptions of course. Again, it all depends on the situation. Whatever happens, and this is my opinion, never ever separate the kids from eachother!! Dutch judges won't let this happen that easy btw. I'm confident more judges will think like this.

Anyway, I wish you the best and strenght for the coming times. Feel free to ask away....it helps.

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Let me start by saying I'm the son in all of this and I'm 16, and there is also my sister who is 14. My parents just decided that they are going to get a divorce.

I'm kinda scared right now, like what's gonna happen and I'm obviously sad and feel like crying.

I guess what I'm asking for is anything that will help me... adivce on how to deal with this, comforting words anything....

And I know that this isn't the place to bring this up, but I am a Christian, and if there is any other Christians on here that can pray for me or anything, please do.... sorry about bringing religion into this but please don't start a debate over it.

And I have a question: do me and my sister choose who we live with?

Thank you guys for reading this... I'd really appreciate it if u can respond to this....

My family is screwed up, i've never been through a divorce but i've been through some moments where i wish i could of ended it all so i will try to put in my 2 cents on how to deal with this.

1. has nothing to do with being christian, maybe one day you will find out, if christianity does help you along the way then so be it, i'm personally an atheist so i don't look for confort in that but hey, to each his own.

2. it's gonna suck for a while, your mom will be angry and so will your father, they will most likely be fighting alot about who gets what and why, it might seem a little unintentionally selfish from them, just remind them that you and your sister are there and are trying to live through it, tensions might then be brought down and thus your fear gradually deminish.

3. there will be a-lot of times where you're gonna feel like crying but you'll find strenght through something, they both love you and will probably get joint care of both you and your sister; not much is going to change. You are also 16 so in two years you'll be an adult and this won't matter then anyways.

what i said probably doesn't make sense but meh.

just relax, it's no biggie, really

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Coming from a father of four children ranging from 3 to 13 divorce sucks and it suks most for the kids. My wife and I just went through this and it was a long haul. Just try and be understanding of what they are dealing with and offer support to both equally I am sure this decision wasn't made quickly and it was probably very painfull for both of them. I know from experiance when my parents split when I was a kid I vowed never to put my kids through this mind you my split was out of my control my ex left me for someone else. Just take time to still be a kid and do the things you enjoy and if you see your mom or dad having a bad day don't hesitate to give them a hug or ask them if they would like to do something even going for a walk it will help and it will help both of you. All I can say is the only people that win in a divorce are the lawyers as it is traumatic on all involved from teh parents to the children and I feel for kids of divorce it sucks. Keep your chin up and keep smiling it will get better trust me.

Darren

As for your question on where you get to go. In Ontario at 12 you can choose what parent you want to live with if you so choose. So if you wanted to stay with dad then that is your choice and no one can say otherwise.

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Coming from a father of four children ranging from 3 to 13 divorce sucks and it suks most for the kids. My wife and I just went through this and it was a long haul. Just try and be understanding of what they are dealing with and offer support to both equally I am sure this decision wasn't made quickly and it was probably very painfull for both of them. I know from experiance when my parents split when I was a kid I vowed never to put my kids through this mind you my split was out of my control my ex left me for someone else. Just take time to still be a kid and do the things you enjoy and if you see your mom or dad having a bad day don't hesitate to give them a hug or ask them if they would like to do something even going for a walk it will help and it will help both of you. All I can say is the only people that win in a divorce are the lawyers as it is traumatic on all involved from teh parents to the children and I feel for kids of divorce it sucks. Keep your chin up and keep smiling it will get better trust me.

Darren

As for your question on where you get to go. In Ontario at 12 you can choose what parent you want to live with if you so choose. So if you wanted to stay with dad then that is your choice and no one can say otherwise.

In Quebec, I believe at age 13 you have the right to chose which parent you want to live with. A buddy of mine is going through this with a 13 year old. When he and his wife divorced, his daughter was only 12. He tried going to a lawyer to get custody, but the lawyer explained that by the time the decision would be granted, his daughter would be 13 and the decision would then be in her hands.

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In Quebec, I believe at age 13 you have the right to chose which parent you want to live with. A buddy of mine is going through this with a 13 year old. When he and his wife divorced, his daughter was only 12. He tried going to a lawyer to get custody, but the lawyer explained that by the time the decision would be granted, his daughter would be 13 and the decision would then be in her hands.

Better for him to save his pennies I know my divorce/separation cost me over 60 grand in legal and court costs.

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Better for him to save his pennies I know my divorce/separation cost me over 60 grand in legal and court costs.

Exactly... He was already up against a wall at that point. It would've been thousands of dollars spent, only to have the decision end in the hands of his daughter-when she turned 13.

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Have a hug :)

Your last post seems like you're doing ok but I thought I put this in anyway.

It does suck. I was 14 when my dad moved out and in the beginning it was hard but I came to realize that it was better that way. What I would say is to try and not let it 'seep' into other areas of your life if you can help it. Do things you normally do with your friends, or your sister; at school or with sports etc. If you find strength through religion then stick with it. And talk. Talking is very helpful or communication in general. Don't be afraid to let it out to talk about it or to cry. You have every right to be sad about this and there might be times where you feel really angry about it too. When choosing where you want to live, make it your decision. It might be difficult not to but don't feel like you are leaving one parent for the other. They both love you and you love them both. Talk to your sister too. I don't know the kind of relationship you have with her but you could help eachother through it too.

I don't know if I'm saying the wrong thing when I say that I hope its a quick process for you. Even though that may sound like a bad thing because of all the change, and things happening too quickly, it's better than things dragging on for five years and counting. That's how long it has been for me. To be quite honest, I'm tired of it and even though I'm old enough to let it go, it's hard because it's my family and I still have a younger sister involved.

Just keep being you and don't get down about it. Things will work themselves out in the end. Stay positive and good luck.

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thax guys so much :D . Feeling alot better... carrying on with my regular life... playing soccer, chillin with friends. :D once again, thanks.

I know it's not what you want, but I can tell you from experience (yes I'm divorced), that once a relationship is dead, there's no going back.

It's going to sting for a bit, but you may find that your parents get along better now that it's over and they're not living under the same roof. Forcing 2 people to live under the same roof, when it's obvious they don't get along, is asking for trouble.

Your parents did what they had to do... It wasn't a decision they took lightly.

Don't let the disharmony affect your life, meaning you still have to finish school, let them deal with their issues and you continue being a kid. I know it's cliche, but you will understand once you're older (I hated hearing crap like that when I was young and I hate saying it now... But it's true).

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Don't let the disharmony affect your life, meaning you still have to finish school, let them deal with their issues and you continue being a kid. I know it's cliche, but you will understand once you're older (I hated hearing crap like that when I was young and I hate saying it now... But it's true).[/b]

TBH i did the opposite of the above and it didn't end good lol

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