Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?

[CANADIENS27]

Avalon, Pennsylvania - A cop breaks into a neighbor's home to do his laundry and justified it by saying the back door was already broken.

[kinot-1]

Avalon, Pennsylvania - A cop breaks into a neighbor's home to do his laundry and justified it by saying the back door was already broken.

Some people have really have a quick response. I could never think of that if I had 2 weeks to think of an excuse.

[CANADIENS27]

Boxford, Massachusetts - Roving cows crash a party, chase off the part goers and drink the beer. A police lieutenant had responded to a call of cows on the loose and came across a herd in someone front yard. The cows had knocked over a table and were lapping up the beer before they were rounded and herded back home.

[CANADIENS27]

http://espn.go.com/v...id=espn:7970947

ESPN Not Ten for week of May 25, 2012.

[Guest]

A distraught senior citizen

Phoned her doctor's office.

'Is it true,' she wanted to know,

'that the medication

You prescribed has to be taken

For the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence

Before the senior lady replied,

I'm wondering, then,

Just how serious is my condition

Because this prescription is marked

'NO REFILLS'.'

***********************

An older gentleman was

On the operating table

Awaiting surgery

And he insisted that his son,

A renowned surgeon,

Perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia,

He asked to speak to his son

'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son;

Do your best

And just remember,

If it doesn't go well,

If something happens to me,

Your mother

Is going to come and

Live with you and your wife....'

[Guest]

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60, and heading towards 70 or beyond!

1.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3.

No one expects you to run --anywhere.

4.

People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?’

5.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

8.

You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

10.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

11.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

12..

You sing along with elevator music.

13.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

14.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

15.

Your joints are more accuratemeteorologists than the national weather service.

16.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

17.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

18.

You can't remember who sent you this list.

[CANADIENS27]

This is from the week of October 22, 2011.

[Guest habs1952]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[CANADIENS27]

No response to the party crashing cows?

[Guest habs1952]

No response to the party crashing cows?

In my beer drinking days I would have been apoplectic but not anymore. And, it was probably American beer so no great loss. :lol:

[maddienmike]

I remember when I was out on the road,driving home at 1 am after doing a promotion night,in the middle of nowhere,no lights just trees all around but there was something in the road ahead of me,I thought it was deer but as I got closer I realised it was young cows.So I stopped and tried to chase them off the road,they wouldn't budge,I looked around for a farmhouse,no light couldn't see a thing,all I see see was a lane,so I started walking up the lane,just mud and stones I had on high heels and a tight skirt,at last I could see the outline of a building so I went there and knocked on the door.

Some one yelled out the window asking what I wanted,I told them about the cows she said she would phone the farmer.I went back to my car and there were even more cows there,I had to wait for about 10 minutes for the farmer to get there,but he needed help to move them so there I am in high heels and a tight skirt herding cows at 2 am,tired out after a very long day,but it was very funny.

GO HABS GO

[Guest archey]

I remember when I was out on the road,driving home at 1 am after doing a promotion night,in the middle of nowhere,no lights just trees all around but there was something in the road ahead of me,I thought it was deer but as I got closer I realised it was young cows.So I stopped and tried to chase them off the road,they wouldn't budge,I looked around for a farmhouse,no light couldn't see a thing,all I see see was a lane,so I started walking up the lane,just mud and stones I had on high heels and a tight skirt,at last I could see the outline of a building so I went there and knocked on the door.

Some one yelled out the window asking what I wanted,I told them about the cows she said she would phone the farmer.I went back to my car and there were even more cows there,I had to wait for about 10 minutes for the farmer to get there,but he needed help to move them so there I am in high heels and a tight skirt herding cows at 2 am,tired out after a very long day,but it was very funny.

GO HABS GO

i got to tell the truth on this...

i've herded cows, but never in high heels...

do we have to talk about the dress part?

just kidding

[kinot-1]

I remember when I was out on the road,driving home at 1 am after doing a promotion night,in the middle of nowhere,no lights just trees all around but there was something in the road ahead of me,I thought it was deer but as I got closer I realised it was young cows.So I stopped and tried to chase them off the road,they wouldn't budge,I looked around for a farmhouse,no light couldn't see a thing,all I see see was a lane,so I started walking up the lane,just mud and stones I had on high heels and a tight skirt,at last I could see the outline of a building so I went there and knocked on the door.

Some one yelled out the window asking what I wanted,I told them about the cows she said she would phone the farmer.I went back to my car and there were even more cows there,I had to wait for about 10 minutes for the farmer to get there,but he needed help to move them so there I am in high heels and a tight skirt herding cows at 2 am,tired out after a very long day,but it was very funny.

GO HABS GO

:lol: Funny now, but not then, I'll bet Maddie.

[CANADIENS27]

Niagara Falls, New York - A man tries to pay for a meal at Denny's with marijuana. When the cashier refused, he tried selling the weed to patrons and afterwards fled into the forest. When police arrived at his home to make the arrest, the man was not home. The case remains under investigation.

[CANADIENS27]

http://youtu.be/jgH0U0Y_-gA

ESPN trophy disasters.

[maddienmike]

:lol: Funny now, but not then, I'll bet Maddie.

You have to be kidding I was laughing all the time,it was an adventure,I love when things happen like that,I have a badge or a button as you call them here on it it says"everyone else has one of those days,I have had one of those lives" it was bought for me by a friend she said she had to get it when she saw it,because thats my life and I love every minute and yes Archy the dress was what made it so funny.

GO HABS GO

[Forever_Habs10]

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado,I decided to make a stop at one of those rest stops on the side of the road.

I go in the washroom...The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall...I just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall

"Hi there,how's it going?"

Okay,I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road.

I didn't know what to say so finally I say: "Not bad"

Then the voice says "So,what are you doing?"

I am starting to find this a bit weird,but I say, "Well,I am going back to Colorado."

Then I hear the person say all flustered: "Look I'll call you back,every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

And no...it is not me in the stall..

[THEBIGGESTHABSFAN123]

:lol:

[hatethosebruins]

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado,I decided to make a stop at one of those rest stops on the side of the road.

I go in the washroom...The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall...I just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall

"Hi there,how's it going?"

Okay,I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road.

I didn't know what to say so finally I say: "Not bad"

Then the voice says "So,what are you doing?"

I am starting to find this a bit weird,but I say, "Well,I am going back to Colorado."

Then I hear the person say all flustered: "Look I'll call you back,every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

And no...it is not me in the stall..

No way

[kinot-1]

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado,I decided to make a stop at one of those rest stops on the side of the road.

I go in the washroom...The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall...I just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall

"Hi there,how's it going?"

Okay,I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road.

I didn't know what to say so finally I say: "Not bad"

Then the voice says "So,what are you doing?"

I am starting to find this a bit weird,but I say, "Well,I am going back to Colorado."

Then I hear the person say all flustered: "Look I'll call you back,every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

And no...it is not me in the stall..

:lol: I read that on another forum,,,,but it's still funny.

[kinot-1]

True story.

Last Thurs. I rode my motorcycle to a small port on the north shore of Lake Erie. It's a small town with 3 chip/hot-dog stands with around 100 full time residents. It has a pier, that's about 150' long jutting out to the lake. I arrived there about 6:45 PM, and found a lot of people fishing. I like to fish and being a senior, it doesn't cost me anything . They were catching a lot of Silver Bass on minnows. Hmmmm, methinks,,,,I have rubber minnows at home,,,,I can do this . So,,,on Sat. I and my GF go down there to fish, (I will show them how to catch fish ). So,,,GF isn't fishing but I am, and the people around us are using live minnows. I am using rubber minnows The other fishermen are reeling them in,,,,,,,uhhhh,,,,,I am not getting a bite,,,,nothing,,nada

My GF was telling me the whole time,,,,"look what he caught,,,did you see that,,,,I think I'll go see what they are catching" :lol: .

Bottom line,,,,,,I did not get even a bite, but we had some good laughs over it.

To add insult to injury,,,,on Mon., my youngest daughter said that last week, her and her BF caught over 100 Silver Bass under the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor,,,,,,,,using live minnows .

Memo to kinot-1,,,,,bring bucket and buy minnows.

[Guest]

True story.

Last Thurs. I rode my motorcycle to a small port on the north shore of Lake Erie. It's a small town with 3 chip/hot-dog stands with around 100 full time residents. It has a pier, that's about 150' long jutting out to the lake. I arrived there about 6:45 PM, and found a lot of people fishing. I like to fish and being a senior, it doesn't cost me anything . They were catching a lot of Silver Bass on minnows. Hmmmm, methinks,,,,I have rubber minnows at home,,,,I can do this . So,,,on Sat. I and my GF go down there to fish, (I will show them how to catch fish ). So,,,GF isn't fishing but I am, and the people around us are using live minnows. I am using rubber minnows The other fishermen are reeling them in,,,,,,,uhhhh,,,,,I am not getting a bite,,,,nothing,,nada

My GF was telling me the whole time,,,,"look what he caught,,,did you see that,,,,I think I'll go see what they are catching" :lol: .

Bottom line,,,,,,I did not get even a bite, but we had some good laughs over it.

To add insult to injury,,,,on Mon., my youngest daughter said that last week, her and her BF caught over 100 Silver Bass under the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor,,,,,,,,using live minnows .

Memo to kinot-1,,,,,bring bucket and buy minnows.

Damn fish are just getting too smart these days.

[CANADIENS27]

Huber Heights, Ohio - Customer fails to get taco at the Taco Bell drivethrough. He then gets his taco, but apparently not the kind he wanted, so he drove his pickup through the front entrance.

[kinot-1]

Huber Heights, Ohio - Customer fails to get taco at the Taco Bell drivethrough. He then gets his taco, but apparently not the kind he wanted, so he drove his pickup through the front entrance.

He's got a serious problem,,,if he gets that way over a Taco.

[kinot-1]

]