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Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52
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Man in a cowsuit steals milk from a Virginia Walmart. He then crawls out of the store emulating cattle and passes the milk jugs to passersby.

:lol::lol:

HUSBAND TRAINING

> A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches

> in Montego Bay, Jamaica .

> Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

> People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.'

> The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their

> long and happy marriage.

>

> The husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America '.

> We

> visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , And we took a trip down to the

> bottom of the canyon, by horse.

> We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell

> off.

> My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'

> We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again..

> Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

> We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my

> wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

>

> I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman!

> Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you $%#@! crazy?'

> She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

>

> And from that moment on.... 'We have lived happily ever after

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Farmiongton, Connecticut - A 21 year old man calls 911 to ask if his pot plant is illegal. When asked about his location, he said he'd rather not say. When asked if there was a crime in progress, he replied, possibly. It turns out he did it to make his mother angry.

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Just found this thread,must be losing it.I have two books Called the book of heroic failures,there is a club for failures,the guy who started it wrote a book with all the stories they heard in it,it was so successful he got kicked out of the club,so I have thousands of stories to post on here.

An old very lady wanted to finish it all,after having a good life,but wasn't sure how she wanted to do it,then decided she would shoot herself because it was quick so she phoned her doctor and asked him where exactly was her heart,he told her immediatly below her left breast, ten minutes later she called him again,and told him she had shot herself in the left knee.

That was not in my books it's just a joke.

A guy goes into a bar and orders a drink looks around the bar and sees a donkey with a bucket of money underneath,he ask the bartender what it was there for,the bartender says if you can make the donkey laugh the money is yours,so the guy goes up to the donkey and whispers in his ear and the donkey just laughs and laughs,so the bartender says the money is yours,same thing happens about six months later,the guy says do I have to make the donkey laugh again,the bartender says no you have to make him cry,so the guy goes to the donkey keeps his back to the bartender and sort of fiddles with his cloths,and the donkey starts sobbing and keening, the bartender says well the money is yours but you have to tell me how you made him laugh and cry,well the guy says the first time I came in I told him I was bigger than he was ,he thought that was funny,so this time I showed him.

Somehow doesn't read as good as telling them, I spent years as a sales rep calling on pubs clubs bars hotels anywhere they sold liquour,I was selling wines and spirits,if I could remember all the jokes I was told over those years I could spend my life telling jokes but a lot I couldn't repeat I would get banned

GO HABS GO :lol: :lol:

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A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

AND

San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

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Petoskey, Michigan - Batman on the wrong side of the law. Batman was spotted hanging upside down from a 30 foot tall building im complete costume armed with a telescoping steel baton, lead line gloves, and a can of chemical irritant spray. He is facing charges of carrying concealed weapons, a gas ejecting weapon, and disturbing the peace. I wonder if CRB knows about this. Petoskey is about 200 miles northwest of Flint.

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Yesterday during the third round the Tournament Players Championship in Ponte Vedra, Florida, NBC cameras showed a sea turtle diving off the 17th green (assuming I have the right hole) into one of the many water hazards on the course. Commentators made jokes about the landing being a bit short and definitely not a Greg Lougainis. The turtle might be seen again on ESPN's Not Top Ten.

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A correction needs to be made to my previous post. One, I have the wrong kind of turtle. Second, our turtle took its dive off the edge of the 16th fairway during either the first or second rounds. It already landed at No. 10 on the Not Top Ten. Funny, I missed it Friday. Hopefully the turtle didn't end up with the other nonpaying spectators that regularly cruise the water hazards.

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In a small town in Iowa. One of the local good looking high school girls thought she saw someone peeping in her bed room window. So her Dad called the town policeman to come check it out. We had a couple 2 or 3 inches of pretty fresh snow. The town cop showed up and sure enough there were foot prints in the snow out of her bed room window. The cop followed the foot prints back to his own house. It was the cops teen age son who was the window peeper. Being a very small town it was all hush hush except for the whispering.

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In a small town in Iowa. One of the local good looking high school girls thought she saw someone peeping in her bed room window. So her Dad called the town policeman to come check it out. We had a couple 2 or 3 inches of pretty fresh snow. The town cop showed up and sure enough there were foot prints in the snow out of her bed room window. The cop followed the foot prints back to his own house. It was the cops teen age son who was the window peeper. Being a very small town it was all hush hush except for the whispering.

lol I was expecting it to be the cop himself.

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"In Georgia,,,,a man stole a laptop,,and when confronted, he knocked down the employee, drew a knife and ran for the door. Outside on the sidewalk, 4 Marines were have a Toys for Tots drive. The Marines stopped the man at which time the man stabbed a marine in the back. After the Police and ambulance got there for the Marine, the subject was also transported to the local hospital with 2 broken arms, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, a broken jaw, and a broken nose, injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off the curb after stabbing the Marine. According to the police report."

Moral of the story,,,Don't mess with curbs or stab Marines. :lol::lol::lol:

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"In Georgia,,,,a man stole a laptop,,and when confronted, he knocked down the employee, drew a knife and ran for the door. Outside on the sidewalk, 4 Marines were have a Toys for Tots drive. The Marines stopped the man at which time the man stabbed a marine in the back. After the Police and ambulance got there for the Marine, the subject was also transported to the local hospital with 2 broken arms, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, a broken jaw, and a broken nose, injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off the curb after stabbing the Marine. According to the police report."

Moral of the story,,,Don't mess with curbs or stab Marines. :lol::lol::lol:

LMAO

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