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rosalie52
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For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her

a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide

child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti'

on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Two with meatballs, one without.

Send extra sauce!

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Guest habs1952

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: November 6, 2010

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Whatever!

Joan

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her

a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide

child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti'

on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Two with meatballs, one without.

Send extra sauce!

ROTFLSHICPMP!!!!!!!!

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San Francisco - Off duty SFPD officers joy ride at 100 MPH while drunk in a Lamborghini through the Broadway Tunnel and post the video on Facebook. Joked one of the officers, 'the car is roomier than you might think and we were drunk.'

Here, hold my beer so I can video tape this, then I'll post it on Facebook, and we'll all have a good laugh. :rolleyes:

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An Oklahoma rancher and a Texas rancher were discussing their spreads. The Oklahoma rancher said, "From my front porch my land goes as far as the eye can see and a little bit farther."

The Texan nodded. "That's mighty impressive." He said, then continued, "Well sir, I can get up at five o'clock in the mornin', hop in my pickup truck and drive all day and not reach the end of my land before dark."

The Oklahoma rancher nodded in return. "Yeah..., I had a truck like that once, but I finally got rid of the damn thing."

The Rancher and the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in western Montana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a pasture on the other side of the fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, a crusty old rancher rode up and asked him what he was doing.

The attorney responded, "I shot a duck. It fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old rancher retorted, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States, and if you don't let me have that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old rancher smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle disputes in Montana. We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kicks Rule'."

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kicks Rule'?"

The rancher replied, "Well, because the dispute is occuring on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times, then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until one of us gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and figured he could easily take the old geezer. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old rancher slowly climbed down from his horse and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his cowboy boot right into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick, to the belly, doubled the lawyer over, gagging for air.

The lawyer was on hands and knees when the rancher's third kick, to his rump, sent him face first into a fresh cow patty.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his willpower and managed to struggle to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket he said, "Okay, you old fool. Now it's my turn."

The old rancher grinned and answered,

"Nah, I give up. You can have the duck!"

:lol:

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Just for archey :lol:

You Might Be a Horse Person...if:

You might be a horse person if you catch yourself only have boots in your closet....and they are usally covered in mud and who knows what else.

You might be a horse person when you are covered in just as much mud as your horses.

You might be a horse person when you dont see buying jewlery but you can spemd hundreds of dollars on conchos for you saddle and head stall.

You might be a horse person when You walk past someone and instead of saying "excuse me" you poke them in the ribs and say "over".

You might be a horse person when You'd rather muck stalls than clean your bedroom/house.

You might be a horse person when Your horse smells better than you do.

You might be a horse person if you trust your horse with your life but you dont trust anyone with your horse.

You might be a horse person when You consider moving into the barn because it is cleaner and smells better then your house.

You might be a horse person when You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.

You might be a horse person when You consider a pristine golf course as a waste of good pasture land.

You might be a horse person when You realize that finding a horse shoe truly is lucky because you’ve saved ten bucks.

You might be a horse person when Your horse gets new shoes more often than you and they’re more expensive

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Just for archey :lol:

You Might Be a Horse Person...if:

You might be a horse person if you catch yourself only have boots in your closet....and they are usally covered in mud and who knows what else.

You might be a horse person when you are covered in just as much mud as your horses.

You might be a horse person when you dont see buying jewlery but you can spemd hundreds of dollars on conchos for you saddle and head stall.

You might be a horse person when You walk past someone and instead of saying "excuse me" you poke them in the ribs and say "over".

You might be a horse person when You'd rather muck stalls than clean your bedroom/house.

You might be a horse person when Your horse smells better than you do.

You might be a horse person if you trust your horse with your life but you dont trust anyone with your horse.

You might be a horse person when You consider moving into the barn because it is cleaner and smells better then your house.

You might be a horse person when You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.

You might be a horse person when You consider a pristine golf course as a waste of good pasture land.

You might be a horse person when You realize that finding a horse shoe truly is lucky because you’ve saved ten bucks.

You might be a horse person when Your horse gets new shoes more often than you and they’re more expensive

except i never poked anyone in the ribs and my house has scented candles so.......but the rest is on the money pretty much

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After two months, I finally get to post another ESPN Not Top Ten. No. 8 was what got Green Bay back into its game against Detroit after the LIons had gotten out to a 14-0 lead. It also didn't help that Detroit was unable to finish off drives in that game, getting into Green Bay territory six times and coming away with only two field goals. The fumble recovery brought the score to 14-10.

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Chicago - Two inmates escape from a jail cell by using bedsheets and a ropes and climbing through a window that is 6 feet by 6 inches and down to the ground 20 stories below. They even placed sheets in their beds to make it look like they're in their cell like in the movies. It took a 5:00 A.M. bedcheck for the security to notice the inmates had escaped. The last I heard one of them had been recaptured.

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