Jump to content
The Official Site of the Montréal Canadiens
Canadiens de Montreal

Are You Ready For A Good Laugh?


rosalie52

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 3.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.

The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.



Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?


If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.




What type of train carries bubble gum.....


a "chew-chew" train.



:P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest archey

San Mateo, Florida - Three men were arrested for grand theft for taking, off all things, a 9 foot 600 pound aluminum chicken. The noise awoke the statue's owner at 6:00 A.M. who notified police. Eyewitnesses spotted the statue being dragged behind a Chevrolet truck with one of thieves riding its back a mile down the road. The thieves unhooked the statue and fled before being arrested from eyewitness statements and video surveillence. The statue, valued at $2300, sustained a lacerated leg, a cracked claw, and a scraped side.

sunday, or one day later than you posted this story, I have to admit I was in a feed store and lo and behold there was a rooster door stop type thing made out of horse shoes, and yes....I did inquire into the price.

am I in your will? :D:D:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Port Richey,Florida - A suspect leaves a series of irate comments about his own wanted poster on Facebook on its Fugitive of the Day series. He had been wanted on robbery charges. The suspect called the charges slander and said he was set up by a crackhead and said he was in the hospital at the time of the robbery.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Port Richey,Florida - A suspect leaves a series of irate comments about his own wanted poster on Facebook on its Fugitive of the Day series. He had been wanted on robbery charges. The suspect called the charges slander and said he was set up by a crackhead and said he was in the hospital at the time of the robbery.

Good old FB. :rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know where this happened, but another thief tries to break into a store through an airvent. Instead of breaking into a pharmacy, the ceiling collasped and he fell into a Thai restaraunt next door. Unhurt, he improvised and tried to rob the restaraunt instead, but witnesses called police who were waiting at the door after he had taken money from the cash register. The thief hid in the freezer until police sent in a police dog who, according the DJs, bit the thief in a not so happy place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fort Wayne, Indiana - A grandmother fights off three robbers with a Guitar Heroes guitar. The robbers had previously taken a flatscreen television telling them to 'get out of my house.' She then pushed one of them down the stairs. Her son help push the other two down the stairs. In her words, "they were not going to get my stuff."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well . night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai
to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord.
'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in. So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room". Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again. Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes. So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BERLIN—A car caught cruising the streets of a sleepy east German village on a sweltering summer’s day sported a decidedly unorthodox feature: a pool filled to the brim with water.

German police say a motorcycle cop first became suspicious when he saw water sloshing out of a car as it rounded a corner Sunday afternoon near Blauenthal, about 250 kilometres south of Berlin.

Then it passed him, and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw four men, including the driver, splashing about in swim trunks in the open-top BMW.

Realizing they’d been spotted and with the officer in hot pursuit, the men drove to a parking lot, fled the car and jumped into a nearby river, although one later returned to claim his clothes.

Police found that the car had been converted into a swimming pool on wheels, sealed with synthetic material and filled with 2,000 litres of water, according to Spiegel Online. It also had a wooden railing and cheap floral decorations, and attracted so many spectators that the officer had to call for reinforcements.

Spokesman Frank Fischer said Thursday that police were still investigating which of the men was driving the mobile pool and whether he was drunk. He said the vehicle itself “probably didn’t have a road permit.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BERLIN—A car caught cruising the streets of a sleepy east German village on a sweltering summer’s day sported a decidedly unorthodox feature: a pool filled to the brim with water.

German police say a motorcycle cop first became suspicious when he saw water sloshing out of a car as it rounded a corner Sunday afternoon near Blauenthal, about 250 kilometres south of Berlin.

Then it passed him, and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw four men, including the driver, splashing about in swim trunks in the open-top BMW.

Realizing they’d been spotted and with the officer in hot pursuit, the men drove to a parking lot, fled the car and jumped into a nearby river, although one later returned to claim his clothes.

Police found that the car had been converted into a swimming pool on wheels, sealed with synthetic material and filled with 2,000 litres of water, according to Spiegel Online. It also had a wooden railing and cheap floral decorations, and attracted so many spectators that the officer had to call for reinforcements.

Spokesman Frank Fischer said Thursday that police were still investigating which of the men was driving the mobile pool and whether he was drunk. He said the vehicle itself “probably didn’t have a road permit.”

Police also noticed there was no license plates.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hawkins County, Tennessee - Another lesson for the day. Don't get lost and need to use someone's driveway for a U-Turn. This 72 year old woman who claims people were tearing up her driveway shot at a family that was returning to Virginia after vacationing in Tennessee that had gotten lost. The family backed up in the driveway that had a No Trespassing sign and our suspect immediately fired seven shots at the car. She is facing seven counts of felony reckless endangerment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watching a medieval "movie" tonight (with swords and spears), and the hero gets thrown into a a pit, with ghouls and such. Someone at the top calls to him and throws down a chainsaw :rolleyes::lol: . After he escapes the pit, he shoots a double-barrel shotgun,,,which he says was made in Grand Rapids Michigan by Remmington :o:lol: .

Then our hero,,, recites the famous words from "The Day The Earth Stood Still", something about klatoo :mellow: . Modern words and phrases are used through-out the movie.

Hey, it's good for a laugh :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...